[Open Spam, backdated to the start of the breach]

[Stepping back inside the Shatterdome feels like coming home, only to discover a different family's moved in, or everything you've known has been destroyed in a fire, or flood, or some other natural disaster, and Bucky - James Rogers, copilot of the Jaeger First Avenger, who'd been ripped out of the cockpit by a Kaiju eight months ago and presumed dead even after his body had never washed up - finds himself suddenly wishing he'd never returned.

It's an entirely irrational thought, borne of sudden unease and a throbbing headache along the line of scar tissue from the head wound he'd suffered in the incident, which might be more psychosomatic than not. But Helena's still here, and she doesn't look like she's about to bolt, so he does his best to just ignore the intense feelings that he doesn't belong here anymore, not after he's been crippled, not when he still has issues with memory. They're already making noises about putting him back in the cockpit, and what if he can't?

The one thing he'd asked when they'd first made contact was that he didn't want them telling Steve anything until he got here. At least it looks like they'd followed through on that much.

He and Helena take the rest of the afternoon to reacquaint themselves and get their bearings, and Bucky does his best to avoid drawing attention to himself, or get recognized. It sort of works - he's not clean shaven, his hair's longer, he's missing an arm and he's got a baseball cap tugged down low over his eyes - but as he wanders around the mess hall and the hangers, he realizes he's started to look specifically for friends and old acquaintances, even if he's still not sure coming back here was a good idea at all.

(And, really, he's looking for Steve.)]

[Spam for Helena]

[Part of him definitely thinks this is moving too fast. They've both only been here for a couple hours, really, barely two days, and they already want him testing out if he's able to drift again? If Helena is? What if they're not?

But the other part of him's so desperate for something normal, to just pretend like the incident didn't happen and he didn't spend months in a hospital and isn't totally fucked for the rest of his stupid life just sitting on the sidelines letting other people do his job, and so he agrees. Yeah. Sure. Let's do this, let's see how it goes, and if it's a fucking disaster, at least he'll know.

So he chokes down whatever frustration or nerves he's got roiling in him and finishes suiting up. He's getting better at doing things like this all right handed, glancing over at Helena when it's done.]

Are you sure about this?

[Public Video, Backdated to Thursday]

[It's pretty dark when Bucky clicks on the video feed, but that's nothing new. He's sitting on the couch in Steve's room, and the light from the comm's screen is illuminating his face. He's not wearing his Commandos jacket, although it's folded over the arm of the couch, and he's still got his uniform pants on, even if he's swapped the t-shirt or fatigue green sweater for one of the plaid shirts Stiles had gotten for him.]

Alright, for anyone who's new, I'm Bucky Barnes. I'm a sergeant with the US Army, it was 1945 before I got here, and anyone who says "hail" or "heil" anything around me's gonna get a fist in the face.

I was running some people through basic training before stuff went to hell. I'm gonna need a headcount of who's still interested. That includes anyone new - we cover endurance, strength training, hand to hand, weapons and survival skills. It's gonna be hard, and you're gonna be mad as hell at me sometimes, but it'll be worth it next time we wind up somewhere dangerous. We're gonna meet in the gym until whatever's going on with the missing room's gets fixed.

[If it ever does.

There's a quiet rustling noise some somewhere off camera, and Bucky looks off to his left, distracted. He drops his voice, and manages to look irritated and amused at the same time.]

One more thing: if anyone wakes up the star spangled dummy here- [Bucky jerks his thumb towards what's presumably the bed and therefore a sleeping Steve.] In the next eight or so hours, I'm gonna kick your ass.

I don't know what you guys did to him while I was gone, but Steve's taking a week off. If you really need Cap, call me or one of the other twelve superheroes you've got on board. Pretty sure we can handle it.

[There's a soft swoosh of air as a pillow goes flying towards the camera. Bucky catches it almost without looking and puts the comm down, turning away as he kills the feed.] Go back to sleep, you dumb punk.

[Spam for Helena, backdated to Tuesday]

( cw for references to torture and medical experimentation )

[Hello, Barge. Did you think you were done with coma announcements today?

You were wrong.]

Helena's in a coma. [Which explains why she wasn't at Basic this morning, at least. Bucky had checked on her right after and found her sleeping in her room, so now here we are.]

I'm not bringing her to the infirmary, but I'll keep an eye on her until she wakes up.

[He lets out a tired sigh, and though you can't see it, he's definitely running his hands through his hair, digging his fingernails into his scalp.]

Are we missing anyone else?

[Open Spam]

[This has not been a good week.

Of course, it's not really the worst week he's ever had, so he sort of feels stupid for being irritated by it. This could be worse. This could be a lot worse, but it's still hard to get excited about yelling at people in the pouring rain in the CES while they run up and down a hill at five in the morning when you've gotten maybe an hour or two of sleep the night before, especially when you know you don't have to.

He's not at war anymore. He knows that.

But his nightmares are getting worse, not better. Instead of the familiar blend of memories and horrible possibilities, he wakes up feeling terrified beyond belief, and with no memory as to why. It's bad enough some nights that he spends the rest of it awake and miserable in his own room so he's not keeping Steve up (even though he knows his friend probably isn't sleeping), and sometimes, he's been in the CES running for hours before his "recruits" are up and out of bed.

And he feels cold all the time, even huddled in his Commandos jacket and one of the flannel shirts Stiles got him, plus a t-shirt, no matter where he is on the Barge.

Maybe he's just getting sick.

Whatever's happening, he does his best to just ignore it. If he focuses on the task at hand, he can get through this the way he's gotten through everything, even though on Monday, he calls Lydia Oswalt (a kid who'd been killed by shrapnel not ten minutes after they'd gotten off the landing craft in Anzio) when he's yelling at her to keep up, and then he can't remember the name of a movie he's seen sixteen times on Tuesday, and he has an entire conversation with Mason before realizing wait, he's not Dernier.

They're caught out in a thunderstorm during Basic on Wednesday, and when lightning strikes a little too close to where they are, for a good ten seconds, he's back in Italy, because that's not lightning, it's a shell, and if they don't take cover, they're all getting blown to hell.

Bucky realizes where he is and who he's with moments later, and it leaves him shaky and uncomfortable, so the session gets cut short, and he hauls himself back to Steve's room to borrow his shower, since the water actually stays one temperature.

He's distant and strange for most of the rest of the day, and while he doesn't try to avoid anyone who was there this morning, he doesn't make an effort to seek them out, either.]

[ooc: Bucky's door to the bridge related symptoms are starting to rear their head more noticeably. Right now, he's mostly having night terrors and suffering from general confusion, which means he's often starting to look like he's having something similar to a bad PTSD flashback or just suffering from memory loss, so consider this a blanket warning for something that might come up in his threads. Feel free to encounter him whenever, whenever, and old/new cr, multiples and fuzzy time are all appreciated. c:]