thirteen ✪ voice & spam

[imfollowinghim]

[Bucky sounds somewhere between pissed off and totally burnt out and hollow when he clicks on the comm, because boy, does he have an announcement for you.]

Helena just killed Cosima Niehaus. She jumped her in an empty cabin, she knows her from back home. Sort of.

[It's a little confusing and definitely private, so Bucky doesn't feel like getting into it on a public feed like this.]

I'm bringing Cosima to the infirmary, and I'm not putting Helena in Zero, [Because he's been down there and he's not sure how he feels about it - had he stuck Ben in there? He thinks maybe he did, and it makes him feel a little sick to his stomach - especially given Helena's been locked up before and he doesn't want her thinking this is like that.] But she's on house arrest in her room until I figure out how to get her to cut this shit out.

[Private to Ben]

Can I pick your brain about something?

[Three guesses what it's about.]

[Open Spam]

[After Bucky's brought Cosima to the infirmary and made sure Helena's still in her room, he knows he needs some space. He can't go right into talking to Helena while he's somewhere between furious and emotionally flatlining, because he's mad, but he knows this isn't entirely her fault, and he doesn't know what to do with it, or how to move forward.

Funny, but he thinks he remembers something like this happening forever ago. That might have been part of the reason he'd bothered Ben.

He's pissed. At himself, mostly, so it's easy to head down to the gym, pull off his uniform jacket, wrap his hands and start focusing on beating the shit out of a punching bag instead of thinking about anything else. He'd learned how to box young - his dad had taught him some, and then he'd learned more as he'd got older, partly out of necessity (he could earn money for winning fights, and it never hurt to know how to throw a mean punch when your best friend was hell bent on taking on every bully in New York, let alone Brooklyn) and partly because he'd just been good at it.

So he attacks the bag like he knows what he's doing, because he does, and there's something almost mechanical and vicious about it, not to mention the look on his face. The bag's not in danger of getting ripped out of the ceiling, but it still swings forcefully, maybe even a little more than it probably should.

After a while, he heads back to his room to hose himself off, and hits up the dining hall. He's changed into his Commandos jacket, and slips a couple things into his jacket pockets - an apple, a roll wrapped in a paper napkin - before heading on his way. He doesn't really have time to sit and eat enough lunch for two people today.

Because he does, after all, have two other stops he needs to make:]

[Spam for Helena]

[Once he's calmed down enough to do this the right way, instead of just scowling at her and hoping that did something marginally productive, Bucky heads back to Helena's room. It's part of the reason he'd stopped by the dining hall first, besides just being hungry - maybe the food can act as some kind of peace offering for sticking her in here in the first place.

Even if the reason it'd happened was because she killed someone.

He takes a breath before knocking on the door, just to give her a head's up someone's outside.]

It's Bucky. I'm coming in. [And then he's pushing open the door, not entirely certain of what he's stepping into.]

[Spam for Cosima]

[And after that's done, it's time for the harder part of this messy little operation: apologizing to the person your inmate attacked and killed within like, a couple hours of them showing up here in the first place.

This is made worse by the fact that it doesn't seem like she's awake when he first gets there, which means he's just. Going to awkwardly loiter around trying not to look too out of place or uncomfortable just waiting around here for signs of life or movement. Maybe he should've waited a while longer - he remembers the death toll and how bad it sucks - but he kind of feels like this shouldn't wait, even if it's just a short visit. It's not like either one of them's going anywhere for a while, although she's a little more stuck than he is.

So, hi. There's a stranger sort of awkwardly hanging around your hospital bed, wearing a uniform that might not look entirely unfamiliar to you.]

Comments

private

[godsays]

If she has powers, being in her room is probably a better choice. I hated Zero.

private

[imfollowinghim]

She doesn't, but I'm still not putting her down there.

private

[godsays]

I know it might not make sense - on the Barge all the inmates are trapped. But being locked in alone - I don't think it's ever right. Some inmates can endure it, and they'll throw that endurance back in your face. Some inmates don't take well to being trapped.

It's rare that someone gets the right amount of punishment from it.

I've only used it... there are some times that I didn't care what the inmate felt.

I'm sorry. It's difficult to know how to navigate a situation like this.

Private

[punched_hitler]

[Well damn.

He wants to help, but he's got no idea how. And he doesn't want to undermine Bucky's authority here, anyway. So he settles for,] If you need a hand, you know where I am.

Private

[imfollowinghim]

Like I'd forget. [That, at least, sounds a tiny bit closer to normal. Maybe even a little wry.]

I'm not gonna say no to company if you wanna help watch her door with me.

Private

[punched_hitler]

[Which is not unwelcome. Not in the least.

Neither is the offer, because Steve would be sitting in his cabin vibrating with the need to help, otherwise.] You got it. [Guard duty he can do. Hell, company he can do. ] Need anything, while I'm on the way?

[ Private ]

[warisart]

I knew they were clones, but I did not know Helena would move so quickly. I apologize.

Anything I can assist you with, I will.

[ Private ]

[imfollowinghim]

There's nothing anyone could've done, she moved too damn fast.

[He means it, knows that it's true, even though it's still kind of difficult not to blame himself. It's easier to just keep going.]

What helped you start realizing you didn't have to listen to Manticore or the Blue Lady? [Which is kind of a super personal question, he knows, but. There it is. You don't have to answer.] I'm not gonna pretend like this is exactly the same, or like I've got any idea of what you guys've been through, but if you're okay with telling me, I don't know. Maybe it'll help.

[Because he has no fucking clue where to go with this.]

[ Private ]

[warisart]

[On the contrary, especially now that he's more secure within himself, Ben is eager to share whatever he can about himself, his past, and his road here if it will help others. Helena especially.

Ben's answer is immediate.]

It is not the same, but I recognize a lot of myself in her. This displeases me.

I had already begun to doubt the Blue Lady by the time I arrived here. She had been silent for me for years. Manticore was harder - is harder - because I have been conditioned to it.

It was my friends. I was secure in the Lady and in Manticore because it was familiar, something I understood and something that was mine in the middle of a life full of confusion and loneliness.

[private]

[orderfromchaos]

...damn. I should've seen this. I'm sorry.

[private]

[imfollowinghim]

Unless you can see into the future, there's nothing you could've done.

[... Well.] Can you?

[private]

[orderfromchaos]

Yeah, actually. Sort of.

I haven't looked at Helena that closely in this dimension but she's pretty like her other self, and - I should've. Realized sooner.

[cannulalingus]

[ When she does come to, it's with a kind of muscle memory - she gasps, very suddenly grasping for her throat with both hands, her eyes wide. Christ. Christ, she can't breathe.

She sucks in deep gasps of air, her chest rising in panic, but she is breathing - it's through a sore throat, throbbing as though there was an arm still tight against it, but she's actually breathing. She's actually doing the alive thing. That hadn't been in the brochure.

Well, technically it had. But there was a whole 'preparing for it' section left out.

Cosima's lips tighten and she looks over, hands soothing at her throat still, the hands that aren't there anymore. It's just her own and there's that man, the guy who tried to disengage. "Disengage," she thinks, like it was some kind of cat fight in the high school halls.

With a roll of her head back into place on the pillow, she digs the heels of her hands into her eyes. She's trying really, really hard not to cry in front of soldier boy. ]

Hey.

[ She croaks. Miserably. ]

[imfollowinghim]

[Even though she's a stranger and probably has no idea what the hell is going on, Bucky's gut reaction to hearing that labored breathing is to sprint to her side, hold on and try to help talk her through it. That sort of thing always, always cuts right through to him, which probably shouldn't shock anyone given his history, but that's where we are, and it makes him feel that much worse about what happened.

Instead of doing that though, he steps closer, but doesn't reach out to touch her. He doesn't want to freak her out more.]

Hey.

[His voice is quiet, and about as close to gentle as he can manage right about now. He feels like if he had his hat with him, he'd probably be fiddling with it right about now.]

Take it easy, you're gonna be alright. You're in the infirmary, and everything's gonna hurt like hell for a while, but you'll be okay.

[Physically, anyway, and that's when his expression twists from comforting to guilty. Or more like guilty, but trying to hide it.]

I'm sorry I couldn't get her off in time.

[cannulalingus]

[ It's funny, how the first thing she worries about when she pulls away her hands is that she's smudging her eyeliner. As if it's even actually there, as if that's even a worry after you've just gotten choked out. It's so normal and her chest heaves again like she might actually cry; she stops herself before then. ]

Not ex - exactly your f-fault. [ Her head shakes minutely at the stammer as she inspects the heels of her hands, sniffing once and resolutely looking very much not at Bucky. It's really not his fault. She smiles a bit crestfallen and wipes uselessly at her eyes as a few tears do start streaming. Fuck, shit. ]

Was kinda - kinda hoping our first meeting would go a little better, though.

[ She doesn't get it. After Helena'd come back, Sarah'd vouched for her. She'd claimed no harm on the other clones since. And yet she has people talking about time travel, people from other worlds entirely.

With a press of her hands into the mattress beneath her she tries to push herself into a more upright position, aching muscles and all - he wasn't lying about that whole hurting thing - and her face twists a bit with it as she goes. ]

And here I a-am trying to puzzle it out, oh - Ooh, I really need to drink something.

[maced_eggs]

The fuck do you mean, she killed her? Who the fuck reaped her, then?!

[imfollowinghim]

That's not how it works here, Mason.

[maced_eggs]

Don't tell me that's not how it works. That's how it works. She is hurting an' she doesn't have to be.

I want to go up an' see her.

spam;

[adelphoktonos]

[Helena's cabin is the poorly-lit, metal interior of a rusted out, abandoned ship. There's little in the way of comfort - no furnishings save for the metal camp bed and a few boxes and crates. There's packets of sugar, candy wrappers and some fruit and cans of food, papers and a Bible, a couple of other books and some toys on the ground. Since she's been on the Barge, she's decorated a little. There are prayer cards, folded paper fortune tellers and drawings, some done on paper, some drawn in chalk and pen and charcoal on the walls and the metal support struts throughout the room. They show repeating figures, stick figure girls: some tall, some short, some grouped in threes - two tall and one short, some alone. Some have curly hair; some have question marks where their faces should be.

Helena's lying on the bed, her head on her hands, hair falling in front of her face. She doesn't move when he comes in, just shifts her eyes to watch him.]

spam;

[imfollowinghim]

We need to get you a better room. [Is Bucky's first comment as he steps into the room and looks around. He hasn't really been in here, ever, and if the guy who's living in what's basically a converted utility closet or crashing on his best friend's couch is critiquing where you're living, you can bet you need an upgrade.

Anyway, it's enough of a reminder to blunt whatever anger's left over about what happened, so he crosses over to where she's lying and crouches down so they're more or less at eye level, or as close as they're getting anyway.

It occurs to him that he still has no idea what the fuck to say, but she's been sitting here like he'd asked and she looks miserable, so it's easy to ask a question of genuine concern instead of starting on a lecture about why she really needs to not do this again in the future.]

What's going on?

spam;

[adelphoktonos]

[The memory of Tomas fills this room - standing above her, reaching out, his hands painfully tangled in her hair, his voice sharp and his anger palpable... It's not that she expects the same from Bucky, because she doesn't. But when he crouches down to her level and speaks with concern and not anger? There's some small relief of tension that she was barely aware of. She breathes out, meeting his eyes. Her voice is a croak, harsh but quiet, spoken muffled into her curled fingers.]

She shouldn't be here.

spam

[lastrat]

[Bond doesn't see the network post right away. He's jogging on the treadmill in the gym - largely because it was raining in the CES when he went there first - and it's not until he slows to a cool down walk that he checks the network, sees the message. It's not long after that that he notices Bucky behind him, pounding away at a punching bag.

Turning the machine off, Bond grabs a towel to wipe his face on and slings it over his shoulder as he heads toward Bucky. He approaches in the soldier's line of sight, so that he'll be seen as he steps behind the punching bag, bracing himself as he holds it steady. Bucky is stronger than he expected.]

Careful, [he jokes lightly.] Might tear it off the hinges.

spam

[imfollowinghim]

[Bucky stops just long enough to see what Bond's up to, and then he flashes a small but appreciative smile that quickly turns into a half smirk as he picks back up again.]

Nah, that's the other guy. Red, white and blue tights, you might've seen him around?

[And everyone looks like a friggin' toddler next to Steve when it comes to physical stuff. This he actually hasn't paid much attention to - it's less easy to judge than how quickly wounds heal or how little alcohol seems to affect him.]

Sorry for interrupting.

[fireincarnate]

[Well, crap. There's stunned horror on Jean's face; she knows Helena is unstable, suspected that she could be dangerous, but dammit.

She takes a breath, schools her features into something calmer, doesn't let her voice waver. It's over and done, and now they deal with it.]

I might be able to help you with that. If Helena is okay with it, I mean.

[imfollowinghim]

What've you got in mind?