imfollowinghim | thirteen ✪ voice & spam

[Bucky sounds somewhere between pissed off and totally burnt out and hollow when he clicks on the comm, because boy, does he have an announcement for you.]

Helena just killed Cosima Niehaus. She jumped her in an empty cabin, she knows her from back home. Sort of.

[It's a little confusing and definitely private, so Bucky doesn't feel like getting into it on a public feed like this.]

I'm bringing Cosima to the infirmary, and I'm not putting Helena in Zero, [Because he's been down there and he's not sure how he feels about it - had he stuck Ben in there? He thinks maybe he did, and it makes him feel a little sick to his stomach - especially given Helena's been locked up before and he doesn't want her thinking this is like that.] But she's on house arrest in her room until I figure out how to get her to cut this shit out.

[Private to Ben]

Can I pick your brain about something?

[Three guesses what it's about.]

[Open Spam]

[After Bucky's brought Cosima to the infirmary and made sure Helena's still in her room, he knows he needs some space. He can't go right into talking to Helena while he's somewhere between furious and emotionally flatlining, because he's mad, but he knows this isn't entirely her fault, and he doesn't know what to do with it, or how to move forward.

Funny, but he thinks he remembers something like this happening forever ago. That might have been part of the reason he'd bothered Ben.

He's pissed. At himself, mostly, so it's easy to head down to the gym, pull off his uniform jacket, wrap his hands and start focusing on beating the shit out of a punching bag instead of thinking about anything else. He'd learned how to box young - his dad had taught him some, and then he'd learned more as he'd got older, partly out of necessity (he could earn money for winning fights, and it never hurt to know how to throw a mean punch when your best friend was hell bent on taking on every bully in New York, let alone Brooklyn) and partly because he'd just been good at it.

So he attacks the bag like he knows what he's doing, because he does, and there's something almost mechanical and vicious about it, not to mention the look on his face. The bag's not in danger of getting ripped out of the ceiling, but it still swings forcefully, maybe even a little more than it probably should.

After a while, he heads back to his room to hose himself off, and hits up the dining hall. He's changed into his Commandos jacket, and slips a couple things into his jacket pockets - an apple, a roll wrapped in a paper napkin - before heading on his way. He doesn't really have time to sit and eat enough lunch for two people today.

Because he does, after all, have two other stops he needs to make:]

[Spam for Helena]

[Once he's calmed down enough to do this the right way, instead of just scowling at her and hoping that did something marginally productive, Bucky heads back to Helena's room. It's part of the reason he'd stopped by the dining hall first, besides just being hungry - maybe the food can act as some kind of peace offering for sticking her in here in the first place.

Even if the reason it'd happened was because she killed someone.

He takes a breath before knocking on the door, just to give her a head's up someone's outside.]

It's Bucky. I'm coming in. [And then he's pushing open the door, not entirely certain of what he's stepping into.]

[Spam for Cosima]

[And after that's done, it's time for the harder part of this messy little operation: apologizing to the person your inmate attacked and killed within like, a couple hours of them showing up here in the first place.

This is made worse by the fact that it doesn't seem like she's awake when he first gets there, which means he's just. Going to awkwardly loiter around trying not to look too out of place or uncomfortable just waiting around here for signs of life or movement. Maybe he should've waited a while longer - he remembers the death toll and how bad it sucks - but he kind of feels like this shouldn't wait, even if it's just a short visit. It's not like either one of them's going anywhere for a while, although she's a little more stuck than he is.

So, hi. There's a stranger sort of awkwardly hanging around your hospital bed, wearing a uniform that might not look entirely unfamiliar to you.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Bucky watches, lets it happen, and takes in the scene with careful curiosity, not wanting to disturb anything or jostle the memory too much.

Or intrude, really, even if he does want to know more. He's known half a dozen and more guys who could fit this image, even if their memories were intact: people who looked tough and hardened and utterly unfriendly who were still capable of compassion.

He's seen it go the other way around, too, but.]

Why doesn't he remember?

At first, Charles thought it was just trauma. The things they did to him...

[Her lips curl. She doesn't know all the specifics, all the details, but she knows enough to hate them for it.]

But after working with him - it was on purpose. They wiped him clean so they could build him into whatever they wanted.

[The bird chirps weakly in Logan's hands. It's too weak to fly, but it flutters against his fingers.

Slowly, his claws slide out, forming a sharp, gleaming cage.]

[Bucky's eyes can't widen, since he's still got them squeezed shut, but there's still sort of that sense of shock, both because of the claws and what she said.

He hasn't been brainwashed, but the rest - trauma, experimentation, making you into a weapon - does feel familiar.

More familiar than he wants it to be.]

Did they do that to him?

Yes. It's all over his skeleton - adamantium, unbreakable metal.

[It would be so easy for him, to end that little life. Clean, and quick, and maybe kind.

She remembers asking him to kill her. She's careful not to let it show.]

They could do it because - he's like me, a mutant. His power is healing. He can recover from most anything.

Almost.

[He thinks/says it almost without meaning to, and there's a line of bitterness there that's more than he wants to show anyone, but it's there.

He shakes himself, suddenly uncomfortable and feeling guilty.]

I'm not- I don't care that you're a mutant. That's not why I was [Terrified?] Freaked out.

[His best friend can bend metal with his bare hands, and Bucky's a living, breathing science experiment gone wrong. It would be sort of hypocritical to be uncomfortable because of what they can do.]

I know. [The suspicion is always there, gnawing at the back of her mind, even if people show no fear or discomfort. She's so used to being hated.

But she's seen inside him, now.]

Telepathy is - it's a powerful, dangerous thing. And it can be...it can be abused.

[Her own bitterness sears through them, just for a moment, chased by guilt.]

I won't lie to you, and say I'm never tempted to...overstep my boundaries. But not - not with people I care about. [She would never meddle in Morgana's mind, or Anya's.] And I care about Helena. [There's a desperate, aching sincerity in the words.

The bird has rested enough; slowly, Logan's claws retract, as he reaches up and sets it on a low branch.

It's all about choices.]

I trust you. [He believes her, because she sounds like she means it, and it kind of feels like it'd be hard for her to lie about this, when they're talking like this. Jean's a good person.]

You could've messed around with me, and I don't think you have.

[He watches the rest of the scene play out with Logan and the bird, and he can't help but ask, even if he still feels like it's probably not his business.]

He going to be okay?

[That trust means more than she could possibly express; she just lets him feel some of her gratitude, before turning her focus back to her own memory.]

I...I hope so. He's not alone, any more. [And that can make all the difference, can't it?]

[It's strange feeling other people's emotions like this. Bucky's not sure how well he'd do as a telepath, because this is pretty overwhelming, and he's only been doing it for a couple minutes.]

Good. [Maybe that means there's some hope for him and Helena, too.]

You're stronger than you think you are. [There's a fond, warm amusement to her voice. She thinks Bucky could handle most powers - he's stalwart and stubborn and selfless. Not the type to easily forget himself, or what he fights for.]

...But I could teach you some tricks against pyschics, if you want.