imfollowinghim | thirteen ✪ video/spam

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thirteen ✪ video/spam

[Bucky didn't really mind that flood one way or the other. There were worse things than being six years old again, and while getting some insight into Natasha's childhood was kind of horrific, he hadn't been one of the people she'd stabbed in the thigh so. Again, there were worse things.

He's out on deck, and since it's gotten colder, he's got his Howling Commandos jacket on instead of just his regular service uniform.]

So, New York's not exactly an easy place to grow up when you're a kid and you don't have any parents, and, you know, kids can be assholes. There were these kids who used to wait in an alley over near Tenth Avenue to jump kids and make 'em pay a toll to pass back and forth across the street. This one day, when I was about six, I was walking back to the orphanage and heard these kids picking on this scrawny blonde kid who apparently didn't wanna pay the toll. They were really trying to beat the crap outta him, but for some reason, he wasn't just running away or handing over the cash, and I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with this guy? When I say he was scrawny, I mean it looked like the wind could snap him in half, let alone some bully with a decent right hook. But he was still mouthing off at them and trying to land a decent hit, when any sane person woulda been high tailing it down the street.

But I'd seen these kids doing this routine for weeks, right? And I figured you know, if this kid can stand up to them, why the hell couldn't I? Takes guts not to run away from a fight. So I jumped in and helped him out, [And he grins sort of self deprecatingly, because this is sort of filling his feelings quota for the month and it's not exactly hard to figure out who he's talking about considering 1. the flood and 2. it's not as if it's a totally unknown story.] and the rest, as they say, is history.

[Private to Banner]

Thanks for looking out for me and Steve. You another one of his Avenger pals?

[Private to Peggy]

Is it really too much for you to call me Bucky even when you're a ten year old, Agent Carter?

[He is entirely just teasing you but lmfao. Really Peggy.]

[Private to Natasha]

[Ahaha what even to say to you Natasha. :c I mean it is extremely unsurprising that your childhood was awful - happy people don't become spies - but just. Holy shit. :c]

... I know being social's probably the last thing on your mind right now, but if you need anything, let me know.

[Spam for Ben]

[A while after Bucky made his post, he realized his item wasn't registering Ben anymore, which was, frankly, all kinds of concerning, because he really had come to care about the guy, even if he was nuts, and so he hurried down to his (former?) inmate's room to see what the hell was going on. The door was still the same, which was at least quasi reassuring, but that still didn't explain what had happened, so he banged on the door a few times, not bothering to filter the concern out of his voice.]

Ben? You in there?

[Forward dated Spam for Natasha]

[Bucky wasn't an idiot, he knew Natasha would need space after what had happened and considering the way she'd acted the last time they'd come back from being different people, he was pretty sure he wasn't high on her list of people she wanted to see. Admittedly, this was a little different than coming back from being married, but still. He'd kept his space.

But she still wasn't out and about, wasn't on the network and he hadn't heard from anyone else if they'd actually caught up and talked with her, yet, and he couldn't help it. He was concerned. So, not really expecting anything to actually come of this, because whatever their relationship was here - they weren't really friends, weren't really coworkers, but acquaintances seemed stupid, and since when did he have to categorize shit like this anyway? - it wasn't like they were actually close, he headed to her room and knocked on the door.]

Natasha? It's B- [He cut himself off, because she never used his nickname and he didn't really get why, but. He didn't get a lot of stuff with Natasha.] It's James. You in there?

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[Bucky lets out a sigh of relief and lowers his hand, staring at the door and wondering how bad a meltdown Ben's having right now.]

You alright?

[On a scale of 1-10? Low enough that after a minute he actually opens the door for the first time ever after a breach; however the situation looks about normal for this stage of the game, even though he's a bit calmer for all that he'd still been himself. No new memories or relationships forced on him, just a reminder; one he's not sure how to feel about and, overall, he's surprised at how glad he is to see Bucky.

He actually nods.]

Yessir. You?

[Bucky's surprised he didn't have to let himself in, but honestly really relieved to see he's not freaking out and is apparently comfortable enough coming to get the door himself. Definitely a step up.

Which is going to make the rest of this a lot harder than it should be, but not saying anything about it doesn't seem like a great idea, either.]

Yeah, I'm alright. I was worried you were gone. You're not on my item anymore.

[He's not not freaking out, but it's contained at this point; it's the little ways he's trying to keep locked down. Ben visually scans Bucky just to reassure himself; it's not a lot, Bucky always seems to be okay, but it helps. He shifts his weight slightly and is about to step back so Bucky can come in or maybe just stay out of his way, when he registers the rest of what's been said and glances back up quickly to the other man's face.

Gone? Why would he be gone?]

What? What does that mean?

I guess the Admiral reassigned us. I don't know why. [He knew it happened sometimes, and honestly, he's really just glad Ben didn't get booted off after the flood or something. He'd take being reassigned over that.]

[Bucky was expecting him to be gone; is he going to disappear soon? Had he done something? Failed to do something? Is he not making enough progress quickly enough? Had they changed their minds?

Ben feels the panic, the frenetic fear wrapping around his spine and speeding up his pulse, but he does his best to fight it down. He's unaware of his shoulders and jaw stiffening, his eyes narrowing sharply. Despite that, his voice sounds young and plaintive when he speaks; he heard Bucky say he didn't know why. It hasn't sunken in yet.]

Did I do something wrong? I don't want... I'll do better.

[Bucky doesn't need to be a telepath or a freakishly observant detective to know Ben's probably not taking this information well, despite outwardly taking it better than he would have expected him to, so his immediate priority was making sure he wasn't going to completely flip out over this.]

Hey, no, this isn't your fault, alright? I don't know why it happened, but it's not because of you. [He snorts quietly, making a little bit of a face.] Hell, maybe I'm the one who screwed up. This just happens, sometimes. I don't think anyone knows why.

If you don't know why it's happened, you can't claim to know it's not because of me.

[There's another swell of panic - if he's not assigned to a warden, does that somehow make it easier to make him disappear? He has no grounds for even the pale conviction - four months of knowing a man who has been kind to him does little against two decades of knowing people who would not care about hurting him or letting others hurt him - but he's certain that if he were still Bucky's responsibility when he disappears, Bucky would fight it. Wouldn't he? He'd fought the No- the Vanquish, to his own death. He'd arrived at the same time as Ben himself, his loyalty can't be that...

Bucky is still talking and Ben visibly shakes himself out of the haze trying to take hold of him, stepping - surprisingly - forward slightly, though there is nothing threatening about him for the moment.]

Were you too kind? Did they expect you to be harsher? That happens sometimes. Sometimes the commanders are too soft. They never last.

No, Ben, that's not what happened. Look- [Bucky sighs, frustrated and searching for an acceptable explanation, still not sure if Ben's actually going to buy it at all. He doesn't care much about why it happened right now, more just focused on making sure this isn't going to totally push Ben over the deep end.]

Maybe they think I did everything I could as your warden. You're gonna get reassigned to someone else who can teach you the rest of the stuff you need to know to get out of here, alright? No one's gonna disappear, it's no one's fault, and it wasn't because I was too nice. And- [And this seems important to emphasize.] I'm not going anywhere, alright? Just because I'm not your warden anymore doesn't mean I wanna pretend like you don't exist.

[It's the sigh that stops him, triggering the part of his brain that registers signals of displeasure, connects it directly to the factual knowledge that displeasure will mean punishment, that punishment is never mild; all of that happens in less than a moment and he goes still, focused and listening, desperately wanting to please.

But what he's hearing isn't doing much against the fear trying to gain a chokehold on his thoughts; he doesn't want to be reassigned, and he can't quite believe that no one is going to disappear. He doesn't like when things change. That's when it gets confusing, when he doesn't... Ben breathes out, looks up at the emphasis and for a long moment that's it: just looks, considering, weighing.

A muscle in his jaw jumps and he swallows, doesn't look away at all.]

Yessir. [It's hard to push out past his teeth and he wants to take it back, but he can't; it's out of his control. As usual.] Yes, Bucky.

[An uncertain shift of his weight, and then:] What do we do now?

[Bucky's not one hundred percent certain that everything's actually fine, or that it's going to be, but Ben using his name instead of his job title or just "sir" he's taking as a good thing, and so he lets himself smile a little.]

I don't know. You wanna grab lunch? [He was determined to prove that this wasn't really going to change things too much, and that things really weren't all that bad.]

[At first there's just confusion, but it's alright, Ben is used to that; if things have changed, how can they just go "grab lunch?" If Ben isn't his responsibility any more, why is Bucky still trying to maintain some kind of relationship with him?

But he finds that he would not prefer the alternative, however little he understands what's going on now, so ultimately he agrees. This recent development has even temporarily displaced the paranoia that had been keeping him locked in his room instead of out and about the ship; it'll come back, because it always does, but he desires more to be in the company of someone he at least partially trusts now more than before.]

If it's allowed, I would find that acceptable, sir.

[Determined to keep this casual, and not to make it look like he was mocking him for not understanding what was going on - he wasn't, especially considering Bucky didn't really have that solid an idea of what the hell was happening either, in some respects - Bucky just keeps up with the normal expression, still worried Ben might spook, and him spooking wasn't exactly just as bad as needing to talk him down from a panic attack or something.]

Of course it's allowed. We don't need anyone's permission to do stuff together, Ben. You're not getting outta going running with me that easily.

[He could point out that he's an inmate - he's been an inmate before, it means having to get permission for everything or risk punishment of one kind or another. But Bucky knows that, and what he's doing is working. For something that required an announcement and sent Bucky hurrying down here, not much seems to have changed.

Inching further out of his room, he glances warily up and down the hall, and then seems content to at least appear to relax before announcing.]

I don't want to get out of it, anyway.

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thirteen ✪ video/spam

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