imfollowinghim | eight ✪ voice

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eight ✪ voice

I'm heading up to the CES if anyone feels like tossing a baseball around for a while. I've got an extra glove if you need to borrow one.

[And for the curious, not that you can see him anyway, but Ben is within eyesight while making the public part of this post, because someone has been pretty much glued to him when he's not sleeping or working in the dining hall since that incident.

However, the next part is done in private so there isn't the awkward of talking about you while you're standing right there. :|]

[Filtered to Steve, Peggy and Natasha]

I've got a favor to ask you guys, and I get that it's kinda asking a lot, so I just wanna put it out there that there's gonna be no hard feelings if you're not up for it.

I really need a couple other people keepin' an eye on Ben and making sure he isn't getting into trouble when I'm not around. I've been trying to keep up with him, but the kid barely needs to sleep and I don't want to just order him on lockdown because I need a couple hours of sleep every few days. [He's kidding, but he honestly really doesn't sleep all that much, and hasn't since he was overseas, and so the fact that he's starting to feel kind of worn down is saying something.] We don't need a rotating schedule or anything, and honestly, the kid could do with a couple good influences in his life that aren't me and Rhade. He's really not a bad kid, he's just kind of messed up.

[And basically he trusts you guys and thinks you'd be good people to teach Ben how to not be such a robot and hopefully won't treat him like shit because he attacked a guy for basically no reason. :V]

[Private to Natasha]

I know we don't know each other all that well [Someday he will realize the irony in this statement BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.] so I understand if this isn't up your alley, but Steve said you're reliable and I figure the more eyes the kid has on him, the less likely it is that he's gonna cause problems.

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Oh. [Bucky shrugged a little, not really sure what to say or how to explain it. He was tired, sure, but he got enough to get by, most of the time, and if he had issues getting to and staying asleep at night, well. He'd been dealing with that for a couple years at this point.]

I never really sleep that much.

[Ben, who was designed so he wouldn't have to rely on more than a couple hours of sleep a night if it became necessary, never seems fatigued; he gets distracted and he shuts down when he's stressed, but overall, it's been a long time since he was forced past his endurance just because of lack of sleep. He blinks, now.]

Why?

[Bucky shrugged again, expression fairly neutral. He hadn't really told Ben all that much about himself, and he didn't know how much Manticore had thought to educate them in world history.]

I spent the last two years in and out of heavy combat in Europe. You don't get a ton of sleep when you're sleeping in ditches waiting for the Germans and the Italians to come barrelin' through the woods.

[Just enough, and nothing very specific; battle plans and outcomes, mostly, no reason for nationalities and history. Ben knows the progression for several of the battles of WWII as a series of clean figures and tactics on a page, but he doesn't know that's what they are. Yet.

He listens, and then says immediately,] You aren't in Europe now.

Old habits die hard. [And while port hadn't shaken him up as badly as it could have - he knew some people had been tortured instead of shipped off to the arena - it had still brought those memories back up, and he still really didn't know what HYDRA had been doing to him, and really didn't want to be thinking about it any more than he had to.]

[Ben considers this for a moment, not exactly doubting the truth of the statement - he's fully aware that part of his problem has always been that he can't just leave Manticore behind like the rest of his unit seemed to be able to in the end - so much as weighing the validity of it in this situation.

Then he does something else that he simply, as a rule, doesn't.]

I don't believe that. [This a simple, dismissive statement, before he straightens his shoulders and glances around the deck, apparently ready to move on to wherever they were going from here.

He's not done, not yet, but Ben has never favored brute force over a more complex approach if he gets the option.]

[Bucky's more than happy to let the topic drop and never bring it up again, so he just smiles easily at his inmate and jerks a thumb towards the CES, hoping the game might distract him a little.

Although considering the last time they'd played catch, they'd been talking about how things were going in their magical school, maybe he was setting himself up for failure.]

Come on, a little more fresh air isn't gonna kill us. Steve might come up and meet us later.

[Yeah right, like Ben has ever let a subject go in his life. It's arguably why he's here at all. But he perks up when Bucky heads for the CES, not in any single, noticeable way, not like anyone else would, but enough; there's a certain eagerness in his unerring path to the door, in the loose-jointed attention he falls neatly into near it but out of the way of it opening while he waits patiently for Bucky.]

Was Captain Rogers with you in Europe, Bucky? [He asks, not exactly looking over, but turning his head ever so slightly so he can see his warden more easily in his peripheral vision. He has no clue what or where Europe is, but he's learned to mimic the knowledge other people hand out thoughtlessly.]

[Bucky unlocks the door without looking over at Ben, not thinking too much about why he was asking the question. He really probably should think about giving the kid a little more background on where he was from, considering he had a whole file on what Ben's life had been like.]

Yeah. For part of the time, anyway. [And things had definitely been better when he'd gotten there. The Commandos had still run rough assignments, but there was a lot less chance you were going to see a bunch of your friends maimed by grenades and machine guns and set on fire when you were running covert missions with a super soldier on your side.

He pushed open the door and stepped inside, pleased to see the enclosure was a fairly flat plain, with some small trees a couple yards to their left and dotting the horizon, pretty much perfect for tossing a ball around.]

He got sent over later than I did.

[Ben is peering through the doorway the moment it's open, strangely okay for a lunatic with a landscape that changes regularly and is contained inside a room; he waits for Bucky to go through first, though, eyes ticking down to his warden's back as he moves to follow, then once more around their surroundings as they move further in. He's perfectly capable of splitting his attention, however, and does so.]

And does he also experience a predisposition towards shortage of sleep? [Beat.] Although of course, he's not an average human.

[Ben is studying one of the distant trees, though his head is still turned so he can see Bucky in his peripheral. It always is.]

[Bucky starts heading into the enclosure, wanting to be a little farther from the entrance so there's less chance of hitting someone in the face with a ball unexpectedly.]

He doesn't have to sleep as much. I think you're actually kinda similar, with the whole super soldier thing.

[He wasn't really sure, and Ben actually could do a few things Steve couldn't, but for the most part it sounded similar enough to someone who really did not have the mind or inclination for complicated science discussions. He wasn't stupid, he just hadn't even finished high school, there was no way he understood the finer details of what had happened with Ben and Steve.]

[Ben is passingly familiar with his own biological makeup, what knowledge was required for self-maintenance; it's not his strength, either, and he has no clue what the deal is with Steve. What he does know is this, though.]

Captain Rogers is not transgenic, and he is not a product of Manticore. Do you know his series number?

He doesn't have one. He wasn't manufactured. [It's a weird thing to have to explain about Steve, really, but it's unsurprising that Ben would think that he was. Admittedly, being a government lab rat wasn't really the best thing in the world either, but at least the program had worked and had been used for a good cause instead of falling into the hands of the Nazis or something.]

[Ben is curious about that, to be sure, but it's not what he's concerned about right now. If he becomes so, he knows how to find Captain Rogers, or he can just ask when he comes up here maybe, if he decides it feels safe enough.

But what he's really after, right now, is far more important. He follows Bucky a few more steps and, when they finally seem like they're going to stop, comes around in front of his warden and squares himself up seriously.]

Do you have a sleeping defect, Bucky? [He hesitates, and then miraculously, some of the Military seems to fade out of his manner - the corner of his mouth tugs seriously, something about the lines around his eyes softening.] I won't tell anyone if you tell me. I promise.

[Bucky stops short and looks at Ben in surprise, laughing a little, because he doesn't really understand the urgency. So he was tired. So what? It wasn't hurting his job any, and it was really better to keep occupied doing this kind of thing than just sitting around not doing anything.]

A sleeping defect? No. Why are you so worried all of a sudden? I mean, I appreciate it, but I swear I'm fine.

[In the past, Ben has occasionally reacted poorly to laughter; he's not stupid, merely ignorant, and he gets annoyed when he thinks he's being laughed at for asking questions, or confused because he doesn't know what's amusing and irritated because of that. Now, the corner of his mouth tugs again and Bucky may have said he was worried before, but there's something like genuine concern - and utter severity - in the way he answers without hesitating at all this time. His gaze is unwavering.]

If it begins to affect your performance, you might disappear. That happens here, too, I know it does.

[The smile drops from his face a little, because he can't really promise that he's not going to disappear. That does happen here, more frequently than it should, and he doesn't want to make promises he can't keep. There's a very real chance he'll be booted back home to the bottom of a frozen river to finish drowning (if impact with a rock or whatever hadn't cracked his skull like an egg) and Ben will be stuck here by himself.

Still, he can reassure him of one part of this.]

I'm not gonna disappear because I haven't been sleeping. That's not how it works here.

[Ben, at best, looks dubious. Physical injuries are safe, they're something to report to be fixed, even the most mortal wounds were attempted to be dealt with because transgenics, Ben knows, are expensive to deal with. Too expensive to allow to die because of an unfortunate training accident, and besides - severe injuries were nothing any of the unit could successfully hide, anyway.

But the seizures were another matter entirely, unforeseeable and unmanageable, and they'd done their best to hide them from the sergeants and the doctors when they could. Jack had started out with minor tremors during morning PT, and they'd shuffled him to the back ranks throughout the day as they got worse; three days later a guard walked in on a full blown seizure and they'd been unable to do anything except scatter. Ben can easily still recall his face the last time he saw him, slack-jawed and stupid and still seizing, and then it was like he'd never even existed.

Humans, as far as Ben is aware, do not have the seizure defect; but maybe they have sleep disorders that can be similar. He doesn't even seem to hear the reassurance.]

You could ask Doctor Tam about a tryptophan regimen. That helps with the seizure defect in X5s. You could tell him I need a higher dosage if you need to avoid it being reported.

[Bucky gets what the issue is, and there's a part of him that wants to just fess up and explain, but he has a feeling that doing that might just make things worse, because he's confirming that there's an issue and therefore something to be concerned about, even though he really doesn't think having nightmares and sleepless nights was something to make yourself sick over. It happened to everyone. He'd just seen a lot of crappy stuff.

So he tried to keep the frustration out of his voice, because he was a little irritated that he was sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place, here.] Ben, I'm not sick. I don't need meds, there's no reason to report it to anyone, it's just been a bad month, alright? Drop it.

[It's not really an order, but he does toss him a baseball glove and go to stand a couple yards away from him, waiting to make sure he's got the glove on before throwing him the ball.]

[Ben catches the glove easily, and doesn't try to follow this time when Bucky walks away from him; neither does he put it on right away, though he doesn't say anything further. A muscle in his jaw jumps, irritation at how unfair it is that he can be ordered to silence and the reflexive, inherent knowledge that there will be consequences for not obeying; the narrowing of his eyes is softer, worry and doubt more than threat, but what else is he supposed to do?

He vows to keep a close eye on it, and drops his attention down to the glove as he pulls it on.] Yessir. [He catches the ball as neatly as he did the glove, and tosses it back without hesitating, backing a few more steps because he can now that he's gotten used to the Catch exercise. His hand-eye coordination is excellent.]

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eight ✪ voice

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