Bucky Barnes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
imfollowinghim) wrote2014-10-01 09:49 pm
imfollowinghim) wrote2014-10-01 09:49 pm
nineteen ✪ video & spam
[Bucky's taken a day, and he knows a few things:
1. He's an inmate here, so no weapons, limited boost from the serum, no warden areas and no asking the Admiral for any supplies.
2. People here are just as gullible and easy to fool as they had been on the normal Barge.
3. Steve is going to be a fucking problem.
So they'll still find out who he is eventually, but he's going to try to bide his time as long as possible. He's already seen himself mentioned as unaffected on Arthas' list, and he's not surprised, but he's also feeling more than a little self satisfied. He's done his homework.
He's in his cabin when he clicks on the video feed, wearing the blue Commandos jacket just like his counterpart usually seems to and smirks a little lazily at the camera.]
I know we're steal dealing with some pretty rough shit, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel good to be back in my right mind again. [He's seen the conversation with the Emperor. Pathetic.]
While we're still figuring out who's who, anyone who's interested and not currently a psycho: boot camp's starting up again first thing tomorrow. You guys all know what to expect by now.
Anyone got any questions, you know how to find me.
[He's going to need to figure out a way for someone to get him into the CES...]
[Spam, September 30 - October 3]
[This is a different part from what he's had to play before, but unlike his counterpart struggling to keep up a mask of indifference to the suffering of others, this Bucky's finding it incredibly easy to pretend like he cares about these people. He smiles, makes smalltalk, delicately probes for more information, and they just spill. There haven't been too many who have looked at him with anything but trust, and those who have viewed him with suspicion apparently haven't put two and two together yet.
So Bucky seemingly goes about life as usual, even if there's something maybe a little bit off about him. He's quick to brush it off as being bitter about his trip through the door, at losing a month to being out of his mind and terrified of everything, but it's still... a little odd.
Feel free to catch him in the dining hall, the gym, heading back to his room, or conveniently carrying too many things - books, usually, but sometimes equipment for boot camp - to be able to open the lock on a warden area by himself, and if you could grab the door, he'd really appreciate it, thanks. Boot camp starts up again, and is virtually identical to the routine that people had been running before Bucky had gotten too incoherent to continue, except sometimes his motivational barbs sound more like direct insults. But that's what a drill sergeant does, right?
The only thing that's really different is that he doesn't seem to be gravitationally pulled back into orbiting around Steve as much as he usually does. They don't not spend time together, but Bucky seems off on his own for most of the day, or talking with other people like nothing's wrong. Because it isn't. Everything's fine.]
[ooc: Tags will be coming fromshieldcatchesyou! Steve is going to officially out him on Friday. :|b]
1. He's an inmate here, so no weapons, limited boost from the serum, no warden areas and no asking the Admiral for any supplies.
2. People here are just as gullible and easy to fool as they had been on the normal Barge.
3. Steve is going to be a fucking problem.
So they'll still find out who he is eventually, but he's going to try to bide his time as long as possible. He's already seen himself mentioned as unaffected on Arthas' list, and he's not surprised, but he's also feeling more than a little self satisfied. He's done his homework.
He's in his cabin when he clicks on the video feed, wearing the blue Commandos jacket just like his counterpart usually seems to and smirks a little lazily at the camera.]
I know we're steal dealing with some pretty rough shit, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel good to be back in my right mind again. [He's seen the conversation with the Emperor. Pathetic.]
While we're still figuring out who's who, anyone who's interested and not currently a psycho: boot camp's starting up again first thing tomorrow. You guys all know what to expect by now.
Anyone got any questions, you know how to find me.
[He's going to need to figure out a way for someone to get him into the CES...]
[Spam, September 30 - October 3]
[This is a different part from what he's had to play before, but unlike his counterpart struggling to keep up a mask of indifference to the suffering of others, this Bucky's finding it incredibly easy to pretend like he cares about these people. He smiles, makes smalltalk, delicately probes for more information, and they just spill. There haven't been too many who have looked at him with anything but trust, and those who have viewed him with suspicion apparently haven't put two and two together yet.
So Bucky seemingly goes about life as usual, even if there's something maybe a little bit off about him. He's quick to brush it off as being bitter about his trip through the door, at losing a month to being out of his mind and terrified of everything, but it's still... a little odd.
Feel free to catch him in the dining hall, the gym, heading back to his room, or conveniently carrying too many things - books, usually, but sometimes equipment for boot camp - to be able to open the lock on a warden area by himself, and if you could grab the door, he'd really appreciate it, thanks. Boot camp starts up again, and is virtually identical to the routine that people had been running before Bucky had gotten too incoherent to continue, except sometimes his motivational barbs sound more like direct insults. But that's what a drill sergeant does, right?
The only thing that's really different is that he doesn't seem to be gravitationally pulled back into orbiting around Steve as much as he usually does. They don't not spend time together, but Bucky seems off on his own for most of the day, or talking with other people like nothing's wrong. Because it isn't. Everything's fine.]
[ooc: Tags will be coming from
shieldcatchesyou! Steve is going to officially out him on Friday. :|b]
Spam; Oct. 3
It hurts to think that HYDRA did that to Bucky. And... it's kind of terrifying to think that they could have done it to him. Which is what prompts him to ask, quietly,] Do I work for them, too? HYDRA?
[He's pretty sure he already knows the answer.
And besides, he doesn't know about your Steve, but this one? Has never backed down from something stupid and dangerous. And he's not about to answer anything but honestly:] Because we were pretty much all we had, growing up. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, if it would have made a difference.
[He's sorry he wasn't there for you - him - in so many ways.]
Spam; Oct. 3
Is it just because it's HYDRA? Or is there something else.]
Yeah, you do. ["He does" is more accurate, but "you do" will probably hurt more.
And he still wants to know more about why Steve had been so upset to hear that, but the next part will probably hurt, too. He smiles, and it looks a little cruel, and definitely disbelieving.]
I guess it wouldn't've, because we grew up together, too. [Until Bucky had enlisted and effectively left everything from New York behind him, including Steve.] What do you mean, you were there for me?
Spam; Oct. 3
Even if things are, obviously, more different than he knows, because if they grew up together...]
I - [Steve's got to let out this sound, like a half-laugh, but it's... funny. Sometimes he doesn't feel like he was there much for Bucky at all. Oh, sure - Bucky could count on him for anything. When he wasn't sick. Or getting himself into trouble.
Or sick with something else.]
I always tried to have his back. I still try. [Even though he feels like he's been pretty shitty at it, for maybe longer than he ever realized. And, maybe unfortunately for him, he's always been sort of an open book when it really comes to emotions. He's not great at hiding them, so he probably looks as guilty as he feels, about that.]
Spam; Oct. 3
Too bad for him.
Because Bucky sees an opening, and he doesn't hesitate long before grabbing onto it with both hands.]
What did you do to him?
Spam; Oct. 3
Or maybe punched in the gut.
And yet, somehow, he doesn't even consider not answering the question. His jaw works for a moment, and he stares down at his plate. But he figures it's only fair to at least look Bucky in the face when he answers him.]
I let HYDRA take him.
[It's - honestly as simple and as complicated as that.
He didn't get his ass over to Europe when he should have fought harder for it, and he didn't go back for his body.
It happened twice, and it was two times too many.]
Spam; Oct. 3
lbr they're at least equal to the Nazis, Bucky, come on) - and if Bucky and Steve are friends... why would this have happened?Or is Steve just being melodramatic? Because from what he's seen, the other Bucky pretty much worships the ground this guy walks on, and vice versa. What would have changed that?]
Why?
Spam; Oct. 3
And takes everything Steve cares about, and twists it up or ruins it.]
Because I made a mistake.
[He's still so deeply in the mindset that he can't tell Bucky what happened that he doesn't say more. But he could. He could say a lot more.]
Spam; Oct. 3
Maybe you did him a favor. [HYDRA is, after all, the future. Cut off one head, two more will take its place.
Even if they're from a world where they lost the war, they won't be gone, or far behind.]
Spam; Oct. 3
No. I didn't.
[He looks up at this Bucky, frowning.] I don't know what they told you - what they offered you. [If they offered you anything. Your life? He knows his Bucky would have spat in their faces.] But they've never done him any good, and I'm willing to bet they haven't done you any good, either.
[HYDRA is HYDRA. And they aren't really there to help. They're there to corrupt.]
Spam; Oct. 3
Assuming he survived the procedure, anyway.] We're making a better future. A more honest one.
[And it's not like anyone's ever done him any good. HYDRA's not really any different from the Army, or the people at the orphanage, or his parents. They wanted him, and he believes in the future they're trying to build. One where he's not going to just kept getting stepped on.]
Besides, you never complained about anything they made us do.
Spam; Oct. 3
[They've taken everything that's good about Steve's world, and stomped on it. That's not making things better. That's crushing the opposition.] They tell people how to think, tell people not to think, because HYDRA knows better. That's not what I went to war for.
That's not what he went to war for.
[Because, just for the moment, he can see the difference between the two of you. You're not that Winter Soldier, so devoid of anything but the missions he's been given that he doesn't even think beyond the blind obedience. You believe what you've been told, or at least have convinced yourself you believe it, and that... might even be worse.]
I don't know what I'm like over there. But I know what I'm like here. And I know that anything HYDRA's got to offer me... I don't want any part of. That's not what we - what we meant to die for.
Spam; Oct. 3
Bucky just smirks, unimpressed. He knows what HYDRA's selling, and he doesn't care because he's been on the winning team. He can get away with pushing people around, with following orders and doing what he does best without people saying he's going too far, that shooting prisoners in the back is too extreme, whatever.]
Yeah, well, I'm not him. Obviously.
[He's not the shining paragon of virtue Steve seems to think his friend was. Is. Whatever.
(What was different? Why is one Bucky Barnes a hero, and the other's apparently a pawn of some terrorist organization?)]
And if we're both alive, and you're both dead, or thought you were, I guess I picked the right team.
[He'll just... not mention the fact that he's dead too. A plane, explosion, long story, you wouldn't be interested in it.]
Spam; Oct. 3
[No, that's pretty clear - everything from his attitude to his body language is pretty glaringly wrong, now that Steve's not making excuses and Bucky's been called on it. It's easier, in a way, but harder, in another.
His mouth twists into a frown, and he shakes his head.] Alive doesn't necessarily mean right.
[Steve would die a hundred times over if it meant making sure there was a little less bad in the world. But not his counterpart, it seems. And not Bucky's.
But neither Steve nor Bucky are dead... but he can't admit to the latter, anyway.]
When did you join HYDRA? How long have you been with them?
[He tries to make it sound like a casual question, but he's still pretty unhappy with everything, the more he hears.]
Spam; Oct. 3
[So, longer than Bucky had been with Steve. Longer than the Commandos had been a unit, because there had been no USO tours, no stalling, except the limited time to smuggle HYDRA's latest super soldier back to Europe.]
They were already winning the war when they caught most of my unit in Italy. Thanks to you. Most of the other guys wound up at a work camp. [Not him, though. He'd apparently impressed people when he hadn't just up and surrendered at first, and that's when he got offered the deal.]
Obviously I didn't know who "the Kapitän" was until Zola introduced us, but I guess it was kinda nice to see a familiar face.
[He still doesn't know what convinced Steve to do it in the first place. They hadn't talked in years, and all Steve had ever offered was that he agreed with HYDRA and wanted to do his job. Not that Bucky's pushed especially hard. It's easy enough to just go along with what he's told.]
Is your me a super soldier, too?
Spam; Oct. 3
He feels sick. He's not hungry anymore, even starting to push his plate away when Bucky lets that last question drop.
His mouth opens. He doesn't even know what to say, how to answer that - and he doesn't realize that his reaction might be an answer in and of itself.
Of course, that does depend on how Bucky interprets it.]
No -
[Not like Steve is, but... The answer he gives is a lie, and he knows it. There was a second serum. And all those tests, all those injections kept him alive, after the fall. Through every cryo-sleep.
Probably through all of Zola's torture, as well.
But he can't tell this Bucky that, any more than he can tell his Bucky.
And yet, now he's curious, now he needs to know more, because maybe, somehow, it can help him understand what happened to his best friend, just a little better.]
You are?
Spam; Oct. 3
The reaction's completely not what he expected, because he seems so upset, and he's pretty sure the last time he saw his Steve Rogers like that was back when they were kids, when Steve was sixteen but still looked nine and found out that his protector was abandoning him. Like his world was kind of falling apart, because Bucky might have been a shitty friend (they were never friends), but at least he'd been there. And then he wasn't.
And then the next time he'd seen him, Steve had been like a cardboard cut out. He's been like that ever since.
But this Steve still cares, and there's some sick satisfaction in that, that he (or some version of him) still matters to someone, and so he sees Steve's walking wounded and digs in a little deeper.]
Yeah. [Bucky's mouth twists into a grin, and it's bitter and angry, but also more than a little pleased with himself. His breakfast's getting ignored too, because this is a lot more satisfying.] You didn't mention how bad it hurt.
Spam; Oct. 3
Steve's mouth twitches at that, maybe because he's not sure if he should laugh or cry or grimace or try to smile. His eyes flicker up to Bucky, and at least try to stay there, not look away.] It was two minutes.
[Two minutes that felt like a lifetime. Two minutes that he remembers in extreme detail and sort of wishes he couldn't, but at the same time, it's two minutes he wouldn't trade for much.
Some things, though... lately, some things almost feel like they might be worth having a regret or two.
Not that he can change it. And because he can't, he knows that those two minutes were a far, far better deal than the torture Bucky went through.] They didn't - what did they do to you? [Was it the same? Two minutes of hell, or hours and days and maybe even weeks or months or years of experiments on a table?]
Spam; Oct. 3
And Bucky likes being a super soldier, and it's annoying now to feel the Admiral putting limitations on him. He feels human in a way he hadn't in a while, and he can deal with it, but it chafes on him all the same.
So he doesn't really understand why Steve's this upset about the whole thing, because Steve doesn't seem fucked up by what they did to him, and even if it had hurt, even if it was unpleasant, he doesn't think he'd be this upset if his Bucky had chosen to do this.
Or something like it, anyway. Steve had said his Bucky wasn't a super soldier.]
I think the better question is what did they do to him?
[And now he's moving in for the kill, because Steve's making it too easy, and this is maybe something he's been sitting on for a while, anyway:]
Did you get him killed, too?
Spam; Oct. 3
It takes him a minute to answer, partly because the memory hurts, and partly because he has to be careful about what he says.]
Zola tortured him. In Italy, before I could get there.
[Short and sweet. And the truth, if not all of it. But if he thought that question was hard to answer, the next really knocks him for a loop.]
I - [He stutters, then stops. It's not really a complicated question. All it needs is a yes or no, but Steve honestly doesn't know what to say. How to answer it. Because the truthful answer is "no," after all - but he's supposed to be playing along with the idea that the answer is "yes," here. Either way, the answer carries with it about six metric tons of guilt and the reminder that he's not only not a perfect soldier, he's a pretty awful friend because he should have gone back for the body and he didn't and he can never, ever explain why he didn't because he doesn't know, himself. He was in too much pain to push when the big wigs said no, but that still doesn't seem like an excuse. He's been in pain in some form or another for most of his life, and he always managed to push through. Why should that time have been any different?
So instead, after a minute of floundering, he figures... he can pull the same trick. It's not a lot easier than answering the question, honestly, but he asks one of his own:] You died?
Spam; Oct. 3
Showed up on board with most of my arm ripped off.
[And some pretty bad burns from the explosion, but he'd gotten lucky and gotten some help. Which is great, because he kind of likes having functional arms, thanks.
The smile forces its way back onto his face, and this time, there's that anger, that challenge back in them again, because this is the first time he's had a captive audience on the subject with someone who actually seems like they care, and maybe he's lashing out a little.]
But hey, the mission's the only thing that matters, right? [That's... definitely a little bitter. More than a little bitter.
He still believes in what HYDRA wants for the world, but it's hard feeling like you died for nothing. Or like you don't actually get to enjoy any of the benefits of what you'd died for, or like you don't matter and never did.]
Spam; Oct. 3
(And suddenly, he can't help wondering how his Bucky showed up -)
But this Bucky doesn't have a metal arm - he definitely would have noticed that - so he must have gotten whatever medical attention he'd needed to heal. Or maybe his serum had been better. Or a hundred other things, and Steve wants to ask but the way that smile faded, even just for a second, is enough to tell him he shouldn't.
Except he just looks sick all over again at Bucky's second snide remark, because things might somehow be different, but they also sound so much the same that it's dizzying and terrifying all at once. And part of it makes him mad - mad enough that the hurt look manages to morph, just a little, into anger on his face, and his voice is steady when he says,] That sounds like HYDRA.
And that's not how it's supposed to be. [There's so much more that matters, in life. And if he's got to teach his Bucky that, someday... well, maybe this Bucky has to learn it, too.] So your deal, then - it'd be to survive, wouldn't it?
[It's an awfully personal question, but he can't stop himself from asking it.]
Spam; Oct. 3
And HYDRA won, pal. You can get idealistic all you want, but that's the way it is. [Even if he wanted to change - and he doesn't, he'd liked where he was even if he's mad as hell that no one cares that he died, that he gave everything for this dumbass cause and no one gives a shit - there's no way one person can stand up against HYDRA. Thousands had tried, and they'd paid for it.
He'd rather be a part of the winning team than get himself killed for no reason, which is maybe why this stings as much as it does.
And again:]
Why do you care? I'm not him.
Spam; Oct. 3
[Even if he can't look too pleased, because they lost... but they didn't disappear. Far, far from it. And if they're not careful, they're going to start another war. He feels like his own world is on the brink of something terrible, and part of the only reason he's here is because he won't miss anything back there while he does this.
While he finds the answers he needs to do what needs to be done back home.
At the question, though, Steve frowns. And asks, honestly,] Why do you think you have to be him for me to care about you?
[Whether you're exactly like him or not, you're still Bucky. You're still his family. And even if you weren't any of those things - you're still a person who has been through shitty things and that deserves his attention and his concern. Otherwise he wouldn't be a good candidate for this warden job - he wouldn't be Steve Rogers.]
Spam; Oct. 3
[And because it's just strange, to think they're anything more than associates. He's never had a family, not really, even when his parents had been alive, so it's not something he's even thinking about, really. This has always been a relationship of convenience, not genuine affection, or anything close to it.]
We're not friends. And I don't think either one of us is changing their mind, so.
[He leans back in his chair, watching Steve, wondering what was different. He's never regretted anything he's done, not really, and nothing Steve says is going to change his mind. HYDRA had offered him a chance to make something of himself in a way no one else ever had, and sometimes, you've gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet.
He's mad that he's dead, and he's irritated that no one seems to care, but he still believes in what HYDRA's selling.]
Spam; Oct. 3
[He doesn't like the idea that this man holds to HYRDA ideals, that he truly believes in the world they're building. But he also can't sit here and look at that face and not care about him. It's just all sort of tangled up - and besides, if he can care about the Winter Soldier, he can care about this strange version of Bucky, too.]
Then don't be friends. But... you're not alone, is all.
[This Steve is here. And he's not exactly going anywhere. Even though he's not sure how much that's worth.] Because I don't know how long you're going to be here, before we can get you home.
[And get his Bucky back.
Honestly... he hopes it's not long. There's this ache in his gut just at the idea of thinking about Bucky being over there. And he can't help but ask,] How much danger is he in, there?
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