imfollowinghim | nineteen ✪ video & spam

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nineteen ✪ video & spam

[Bucky's taken a day, and he knows a few things:

1. He's an inmate here, so no weapons, limited boost from the serum, no warden areas and no asking the Admiral for any supplies.
2. People here are just as gullible and easy to fool as they had been on the normal Barge.
3. Steve is going to be a fucking problem.

So they'll still find out who he is eventually, but he's going to try to bide his time as long as possible. He's already seen himself mentioned as unaffected on Arthas' list, and he's not surprised, but he's also feeling more than a little self satisfied. He's done his homework.

He's in his cabin when he clicks on the video feed, wearing the blue Commandos jacket just like his counterpart usually seems to and smirks a little lazily at the camera.]

I know we're steal dealing with some pretty rough shit, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel good to be back in my right mind again. [He's seen the conversation with the Emperor. Pathetic.]

While we're still figuring out who's who, anyone who's interested and not currently a psycho: boot camp's starting up again first thing tomorrow. You guys all know what to expect by now.

Anyone got any questions, you know how to find me.

[He's going to need to figure out a way for someone to get him into the CES...]

[Spam, September 30 - October 3]

[This is a different part from what he's had to play before, but unlike his counterpart struggling to keep up a mask of indifference to the suffering of others, this Bucky's finding it incredibly easy to pretend like he cares about these people. He smiles, makes smalltalk, delicately probes for more information, and they just spill. There haven't been too many who have looked at him with anything but trust, and those who have viewed him with suspicion apparently haven't put two and two together yet.

So Bucky seemingly goes about life as usual, even if there's something maybe a little bit off about him. He's quick to brush it off as being bitter about his trip through the door, at losing a month to being out of his mind and terrified of everything, but it's still... a little odd.

Feel free to catch him in the dining hall, the gym, heading back to his room, or conveniently carrying too many things - books, usually, but sometimes equipment for boot camp - to be able to open the lock on a warden area by himself, and if you could grab the door, he'd really appreciate it, thanks. Boot camp starts up again, and is virtually identical to the routine that people had been running before Bucky had gotten too incoherent to continue, except sometimes his motivational barbs sound more like direct insults. But that's what a drill sergeant does, right?

The only thing that's really different is that he doesn't seem to be gravitationally pulled back into orbiting around Steve as much as he usually does. They don't not spend time together, but Bucky seems off on his own for most of the day, or talking with other people like nothing's wrong. Because it isn't. Everything's fine.]

[ooc: Tags will be coming from

shieldcatchesyou! Steve is going to officially out him on Friday. :|b]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Bucky doesn't look surprised when Steve says it, but it still takes him a moment to react. When he does, it's with a small huff of laughter, and a smirk that isn't exactly kind, or easy going.]

You're as subtle as ever.

[He pushes back the plate and stares at Steve, really stares at him, even if the other man won't look at him. He doesn't have to ask why.]

I'd apologize, but I think we both know I wouldn't really mean it.

I'll take that as a compliment.

[It hurts, talking to Bucky in that dry, sarcastic tone - as much as it hurts to hear Bucky's tone, the way he's practically sneering with his voice. He's never sounded like that, not once, and it's worse, he thinks than that lost, emotionless voice, the one that had asked, Who the hell is Bucky?

But Steve matches him stare for stare, nonetheless.] Then don't bother. Look. I don't know much about you. And I'm thinking you don't really know much about me. This me. [If there's even another him, on that Barge, although it's clear he must be in Bucky's life, somehow.] So let me tell you that if you try to do something stupid while you're here, you're going to run into me.

[Choose your own definition of stupid. HYDRA's probably got a million.]

I know plenty, pal. [They've left enough of a trail on this network for him to follow, and he knows this guy is enough like Steve Before to know he's a stubborn shit who doesn't like being bossed around, or played.

Except this one already seems like he's got more of a spine than the Steve Rogers he knew ever did, before Erskine. Before HYDRA.

Bucky doesn't seem especially bothered by the threat, and the smirk just gets a little more wry, almost like he thinks it's cute Steve even bothers trying, as if that's going to scare him.]

And I'm not interested in causing trouble. This isn't my ship, and I'm gonna wind up back on mine soon enough. Starting shit isn't gonna change anything.

[Steve doesn't look overly convinced, but... he can't argue with that, either. He doesn't know what his "other self" is like, but it can't be very similar or Bucky wouldn't have ended up like this.

He thinks.

He did, after all, let his Bucky...

He shakes his head a little, trying to clear that thought out. It's not what he needs to focus on right now. And he knows that threatening this Bucky is stupid, so that's all he going to say on the subject.] I hope that's true.

But not everyone that came here with you seems to think that.

[There's a pause; it's hard to look at Bucky's face and see what he sees going on behind those eyes. It's hard to even think about not trusting him. Because, no matter what happened to him, what HYDRA told him, did to him... he's still Bucky.

And Steve can't help but ask,] What's it like, over there? On your Barge.

[Bucky shrugs, nonchalant, apparently not especially bothered by Steve questioning him, or looking at him weird. He's not. He's curious, sure, because this guy is a lot different from the Steve he knows, but he's not bothered by it.

It's actually kind of nice to know he can get an emotional reaction out of this Steve, that he's the one holding all the cards again.]

Bad. [Even he can admit that. It's hard to live there for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons, and he knows by this Barge's standards, it's a nightmare.] Most of the other wardens are nutjobs, the inmates are scared.

[That's just how it is.]

Why were the pancakes the giveaway?

[It feels like cheating, asking this Bucky everything he wanted to know about the Mirror Barge but his Bucky didn't want to talk about. But, cheating or not, at least it's giving Steve the answers he needs.

And this Bucky doesn't seem bothered by it.

But what he's saying is in line with what Mindy said, before. What Jack and Iris said, too.] It sounds... counterproductive. [Well. Assuming they're out to accomplish the same things this Barge is. Which, maybe they're not.]

Other than the fact that I've never seen you - him - turn them down?

[Well, that was pretty much the giveaway.]

It was a lot more than the pancakes. We're... not friends, over there. If I'm there. Are we.

[More of a statement than a question.]

It's fine when you're supposed to be breaking people down until they're willing to do anything to get out of there, [He answers smoothly, still apparently not bothered about it. He wouldn't be a warden there if he was.

The fact about the pancakes gets noted and tucked away for later, in case it becomes relevant. It probably won't be, because it's not like he needs to pretend like he's this Barge's Bucky anymore. Steve's going to rat him out.

But the next question gets a short, quiet, not exactly bitter but definitely not happy laugh out of him. It sounds more surprised than anything else.]

You're there. Showed up a couple months ago. And we've never been friends, Cap.

Yeah, I guess so. [His mouth twists a little, though. He doesn't like that concept.] It just doesn't seem... like the way I'd like to do things. [He signed on, here, for a reason. That other Barge... it sounds like the bullies he pretty much hates.]

No? [It's hard to say even that single word so nonchalantly. It's almost like hearing that other Bucky, the one who was still just a kid, say that they'd never met until they were older. It's... just hard to imagine, because Bucky has been such a big part of Steve's life - he's been Steve's family - for nearly all of it.]

I'm sorry.

[Part of him wants to ask, what he's like, over there. But part of him doesn't want to know.]

[Bucky answers it for him, or at least part of it, stabbing another piece of scrambled egg with his fork while he does.]

The you I know doesn't seem to mind. All he cares about is "the mission." [Which is said a little mockingly, even if Kap acting like that doesn't especially bother him. They're there to do a job, and he doesn't much care what it is so long as he gets what he wants.

He finishes chewing, swallows, and stares at Steve, maybe with a little bit of that now familiar challenge in his expression, like he's daring Steve to do something stupid and dangerous, knowing it's going to get him in trouble.]

Why are you sorry?

[Those words are hard to hear, honestly, for a hundred different reasons. Steve reacts more than he means to, honestly, blinking for a second like Bucky's slapped him physically, instead of just using a phrase that pretty much gets to the core of why Steve's here in the first place.

It hurts to think that HYDRA did that to Bucky. And... it's kind of terrifying to think that they could have done it to him. Which is what prompts him to ask, quietly,] Do I work for them, too? HYDRA?

[He's pretty sure he already knows the answer.

And besides, he doesn't know about your Steve, but this one? Has never backed down from something stupid and dangerous. And he's not about to answer anything but honestly:] Because we were pretty much all we had, growing up. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, if it would have made a difference.

[He's sorry he wasn't there for you - him - in so many ways.]

[Steve's reaction gets Bucky's attention focused on him like a laser. He doesn't understand the reaction - and the other Bucky wouldn't either, obviously - but he wants to know more, instinctively wants to hook his claws in and pull that wound open.

Is it just because it's HYDRA? Or is there something else.]

Yeah, you do. ["He does" is more accurate, but "you do" will probably hurt more.

And he still wants to know more about why Steve had been so upset to hear that, but the next part will probably hurt, too. He smiles, and it looks a little cruel, and definitely disbelieving.]

I guess it wouldn't've, because we grew up together, too. [Until Bucky had enlisted and effectively left everything from New York behind him, including Steve.] What do you mean, you were there for me?

[It does hurt more - a lot more - because to Steve, they're still the same people. Just different circumstances. So it's hard to think of terms of "me" and "you" and "him."

Even if things are, obviously, more different than he knows, because if they grew up together...]

I - [Steve's got to let out this sound, like a half-laugh, but it's... funny. Sometimes he doesn't feel like he was there much for Bucky at all. Oh, sure - Bucky could count on him for anything. When he wasn't sick. Or getting himself into trouble.

Or sick with something else.]

I always tried to have his back. I still try. [Even though he feels like he's been pretty shitty at it, for maybe longer than he ever realized. And, maybe unfortunately for him, he's always been sort of an open book when it really comes to emotions. He's not great at hiding them, so he probably looks as guilty as he feels, about that.]

[Kap is very... flat. Always has been. The same wasn't true of shrimpy Steve Rogers, but that guy's long gone. The person sitting across the table from him still isn't Bucky's scrawny sidekick from back before he'd left the orphanage, but he's close enough, and he sucks at hiding his emotions.

Too bad for him.

Because Bucky sees an opening, and he doesn't hesitate long before grabbing onto it with both hands.]

What did you do to him?

[That's - not a question Steve expected. He gets that same look - doesn't blink, but still looks like he's been slapped.

Or maybe punched in the gut.

And yet, somehow, he doesn't even consider not answering the question. His jaw works for a moment, and he stares down at his plate. But he figures it's only fair to at least look Bucky in the face when he answers him.]

I let HYDRA take him.

[It's - honestly as simple and as complicated as that.

He didn't get his ass over to Europe when he should have fought harder for it, and he didn't go back for his body.

It happened twice, and it was two times too many.]

[Now it's Bucky's turn to be surprised, because that absolutely doesn't match up with anything he knows so far. This Steve and that Bucky think HYDRA is basically worse than the Nazis - which, by the way, not true (~~lbr they're at least equal to the Nazis, Bucky, come on~~) - and if Bucky and Steve are friends... why would this have happened?

Or is Steve just being melodramatic? Because from what he's seen, the other Bucky pretty much worships the ground this guy walks on, and vice versa. What would have changed that?]

Why?

[The thing is, he didn't hand him over willingly. Steve hated HYDRA, and he still hates them, because they're this insidious thing that clings to life no matter what he - what good people - do. No matter how many people give their lives to eradicate it, HYDRA just goes deep and waits.

And takes everything Steve cares about, and twists it up or ruins it.]

Because I made a mistake.

[He's still so deeply in the mindset that he can't tell Bucky what happened that he doesn't say more. But he could. He could say a lot more.]

[Cute. He actually believes that.]

Maybe you did him a favor. [HYDRA is, after all, the future. Cut off one head, two more will take its place.

Even if they're from a world where they lost the war, they won't be gone, or far behind.]

[Steve shakes his head - if he is sure of one thing in this universe, it's that letting HYDRA take Bucky was the wrong thing to do. It was a mistake, just like he said, and it's one he has to fix. It's one Bucky shouldn't pay for, even though he already has.]

No. I didn't.

[He looks up at this Bucky, frowning.] I don't know what they told you - what they offered you. [If they offered you anything. Your life? He knows his Bucky would have spat in their faces.] But they've never done him any good, and I'm willing to bet they haven't done you any good, either.

[HYDRA is HYDRA. And they aren't really there to help. They're there to corrupt.]

[It's more complicated than that. Sure, they'd spared his life, but they'd offered him something else, something better.

Assuming he survived the procedure, anyway.] We're making a better future. A more honest one.

[And it's not like anyone's ever done him any good. HYDRA's not really any different from the Army, or the people at the orphanage, or his parents. They wanted him, and he believes in the future they're trying to build. One where he's not going to just kept getting stepped on.]

Besides, you never complained about anything they made us do.

[Steve actually makes a derisive, angry sound at that.] Is that what they're telling you? A better future for who? I've seen what HYDRA's selling, Buck, and it's bullshit.

[They've taken everything that's good about Steve's world, and stomped on it. That's not making things better. That's crushing the opposition.] They tell people how to think, tell people not to think, because HYDRA knows better. That's not what I went to war for.

That's not what he went to war for.

[Because, just for the moment, he can see the difference between the two of you. You're not that Winter Soldier, so devoid of anything but the missions he's been given that he doesn't even think beyond the blind obedience. You believe what you've been told, or at least have convinced yourself you believe it, and that... might even be worse.]

I don't know what I'm like over there. But I know what I'm like here. And I know that anything HYDRA's got to offer me... I don't want any part of. That's not what we - what we meant to die for.

[Wow. So, he touched a nerve here. Good to know.

Bucky just smirks, unimpressed. He knows what HYDRA's selling, and he doesn't care because he's been on the winning team. He can get away with pushing people around, with following orders and doing what he does best without people saying he's going too far, that shooting prisoners in the back is too extreme, whatever.]

Yeah, well, I'm not him. Obviously.

[He's not the shining paragon of virtue Steve seems to think his friend was. Is. Whatever.

(What was different? Why is one Bucky Barnes a hero, and the other's apparently a pawn of some terrorist organization?)]

And if we're both alive, and you're both dead, or thought you were, I guess I picked the right team.

[He'll just... not mention the fact that he's dead too. A plane, explosion, long story, you wouldn't be interested in it.]

Edited 2014-10-05 03:27 (UTC)

Obviously.

[No, that's pretty clear - everything from his attitude to his body language is pretty glaringly wrong, now that Steve's not making excuses and Bucky's been called on it. It's easier, in a way, but harder, in another.

His mouth twists into a frown, and he shakes his head.] Alive doesn't necessarily mean right.

[Steve would die a hundred times over if it meant making sure there was a little less bad in the world. But not his counterpart, it seems. And not Bucky's.

But neither Steve nor Bucky are dead... but he can't admit to the latter, anyway.]

When did you join HYDRA? How long have you been with them?

[He tries to make it sound like a casual question, but he's still pretty unhappy with everything, the more he hears.]

Two years.

[So, longer than Bucky had been with Steve. Longer than the Commandos had been a unit, because there had been no USO tours, no stalling, except the limited time to smuggle HYDRA's latest super soldier back to Europe.]

They were already winning the war when they caught most of my unit in Italy. Thanks to you. Most of the other guys wound up at a work camp. [Not him, though. He'd apparently impressed people when he hadn't just up and surrendered at first, and that's when he got offered the deal.]

Obviously I didn't know who "the Kapitän" was until Zola introduced us, but I guess it was kinda nice to see a familiar face.

[He still doesn't know what convinced Steve to do it in the first place. They hadn't talked in years, and all Steve had ever offered was that he agreed with HYDRA and wanted to do his job. Not that Bucky's pushed especially hard. It's easy enough to just go along with what he's told.]

Is your me a super soldier, too?

[Steve sits back for a minute, trying to digest that. Trying to make it make sense, but he can't. How can he? How can anything about it make sense, when there's some world where he works for HYDRA - where it's what he lives for, and it's the reason they got ahold of Bucky over there, too.

He feels sick. He's not hungry anymore, even starting to push his plate away when Bucky lets that last question drop.

His mouth opens. He doesn't even know what to say, how to answer that - and he doesn't realize that his reaction might be an answer in and of itself.

Of course, that does depend on how Bucky interprets it.]

No -

[Not like Steve is, but... The answer he gives is a lie, and he knows it. There was a second serum. And all those tests, all those injections kept him alive, after the fall. Through every cryo-sleep.

Probably through all of Zola's torture, as well.

But he can't tell this Bucky that, any more than he can tell his Bucky.

And yet, now he's curious, now he needs to know more, because maybe, somehow, it can help him understand what happened to his best friend, just a little better.]

You are?

[Any guilt he feels (and there's not a lot of it, because he's so blatantly obviously not Kap and it's not like Bucky would care if he was hurting that guy's feelings anyway, right?) gets pushed aside almost before it can register as Steve pushes the plate back and then suddenly looks like he's about to throw up.

The reaction's completely not what he expected, because he seems so upset, and he's pretty sure the last time he saw his Steve Rogers like that was back when they were kids, when Steve was sixteen but still looked nine and found out that his protector was abandoning him. Like his world was kind of falling apart, because Bucky might have been a shitty friend (they were never friends), but at least he'd been there. And then he wasn't.

And then the next time he'd seen him, Steve had been like a cardboard cut out. He's been like that ever since.

But this Steve still cares, and there's some sick satisfaction in that, that he (or some version of him) still matters to someone, and so he sees Steve's walking wounded and digs in a little deeper.]

Yeah. [Bucky's mouth twists into a grin, and it's bitter and angry, but also more than a little pleased with himself. His breakfast's getting ignored too, because this is a lot more satisfying.] You didn't mention how bad it hurt.

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