imfollowinghim | nineteen ✪ video & spam

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nineteen ✪ video & spam

[Bucky's taken a day, and he knows a few things:

1. He's an inmate here, so no weapons, limited boost from the serum, no warden areas and no asking the Admiral for any supplies.
2. People here are just as gullible and easy to fool as they had been on the normal Barge.
3. Steve is going to be a fucking problem.

So they'll still find out who he is eventually, but he's going to try to bide his time as long as possible. He's already seen himself mentioned as unaffected on Arthas' list, and he's not surprised, but he's also feeling more than a little self satisfied. He's done his homework.

He's in his cabin when he clicks on the video feed, wearing the blue Commandos jacket just like his counterpart usually seems to and smirks a little lazily at the camera.]

I know we're steal dealing with some pretty rough shit, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel good to be back in my right mind again. [He's seen the conversation with the Emperor. Pathetic.]

While we're still figuring out who's who, anyone who's interested and not currently a psycho: boot camp's starting up again first thing tomorrow. You guys all know what to expect by now.

Anyone got any questions, you know how to find me.

[He's going to need to figure out a way for someone to get him into the CES...]

[Spam, September 30 - October 3]

[This is a different part from what he's had to play before, but unlike his counterpart struggling to keep up a mask of indifference to the suffering of others, this Bucky's finding it incredibly easy to pretend like he cares about these people. He smiles, makes smalltalk, delicately probes for more information, and they just spill. There haven't been too many who have looked at him with anything but trust, and those who have viewed him with suspicion apparently haven't put two and two together yet.

So Bucky seemingly goes about life as usual, even if there's something maybe a little bit off about him. He's quick to brush it off as being bitter about his trip through the door, at losing a month to being out of his mind and terrified of everything, but it's still... a little odd.

Feel free to catch him in the dining hall, the gym, heading back to his room, or conveniently carrying too many things - books, usually, but sometimes equipment for boot camp - to be able to open the lock on a warden area by himself, and if you could grab the door, he'd really appreciate it, thanks. Boot camp starts up again, and is virtually identical to the routine that people had been running before Bucky had gotten too incoherent to continue, except sometimes his motivational barbs sound more like direct insults. But that's what a drill sergeant does, right?

The only thing that's really different is that he doesn't seem to be gravitationally pulled back into orbiting around Steve as much as he usually does. They don't not spend time together, but Bucky seems off on his own for most of the day, or talking with other people like nothing's wrong. Because it isn't. Everything's fine.]

[ooc: Tags will be coming from

shieldcatchesyou! Steve is going to officially out him on Friday. :|b]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Steve catches the - hesitation, is the best word he can come up with, and he's not sure what caused it. Even when Bucky was having one of those horrible flashbacks, he never made that kind of motion, never gave him that look - sure, he gave him plenty of looks, but none that said he was crazy like this.

It's just... it's not adding up, and there's this bad feeling settling in the pit of his stomach, and he'd only just thought it had finally, finally gone away.

The grin, at least, is Bucky's - maybe a little off, but so is everything about him, lately, and it's just one more checkmark on Steve's mental list and God, he wishes he could just write this off. But he's tried to. And he can't.

But he takes a breath, gives Bucky as easy a grin as he can, and tilts his head in the right direction to get them headed that way.] Me? I'm fine. Glad that's over - well. Relatively. [Because it's not over, there are people here from that other Barge, and...] I don't think it's really over. It can't be. Not with the - mix-up that happened, you know? It's the eye of the storm.

[This Steve is strangely easier and more difficult to read than the one he knows: easier, because he wears his emotions a little more on his sleeve, and harder because he doesn't know what the correct responses are supposed to be. Should he push? Should he brush it off? Listening to their conversations over the network isn't enough to make this perfect, and he knows it. The more time he spends around Steve, the less chance he has of pulling this off.

Of course, because the other Bucky and him are so close, that's also true of the less time he spends with Steve.]

Give it a couple days, it'll work out, [He offers as he starts heading towards the general direction of the dining hall, glancing back to make sure Steve's following in a way it seems like the other him would do.]

I mean, c'mon, it can't be permanent, right? Shit like this always clears up eventually.

[That's really the problem, when it comes down to it - the more time they spend together, the more obvious it is that something's wrong. And while Steve might have floundered a bit more for explanations, in any other situation...

This isn't any other situation. This is a situation where there are people here from somewhere else - and he's already heard some of what Bucky's counterpart did here, last time. Not in great detail, no, and he never pushed. Maybe he should have, but Bucky didn't want to talk about it, and Steve could understand why. It hit too close to home for him, too.

But he does know Bucky's counterpart is just as smart as Bucky ever was - not surprising, really. But there's a difference between smart and able to put up the front that you've been best friends with someone for years, and Steve's worried he might be noticing it.

Part of him wonders if he's just jumping at shadows. Another part of him wonders how the hell it's taken him this long to figure out that something's really off.]

A couple days, huh?

[He doesn't sound convinced; he's right behind you, Bucky, and he looks distinctly unhappy. That could be for a number of reasons, though.] Is that how long it took last time? You never told me all that much, and - hell, no one told me all that much. It seemed like a rough ride all around, but I don't know how it got solved.

[Unless it really did just clear up. Although that obviously wasn't permanent, either.] And there are people trapped over there - over here - that need to get home.

[Steve definitely looks less than thrilled, and Bucky doesn't love the look of it. Sure, there could be a billion reasons, but there's really only one that matters, so he shrugs, trying to look concerned, or at least like he's taking his friend's concerns seriously.]

That's how it happened last time. [Except it had been in reverse. Bucky hadn't even really known that the Barge the other people said they were from was real - it could have just been another flood, for all he knew. Unless every flood really is just opening the door to some parallel universe where their genders are all swapped around or something.]

A bunch of people got stuck on the other Barge, the rest of us got to remember the crap the other versions of us did. I was him - the other me, [It's not something Steve and Bucky have really talked about on the network, so it's not a conversation he can trace, and he's taking Steve more or less at his word that they hadn't discussed it much. Why would they?] I don't really know how it ended, I got sucked through the door and woke up back here.

[Not exactly. He remembers it the other way around, obviously.]

We all just kinda... [He shrugs.] Clicked back into place. Like nothing ever happened. I don't think it's something you can solve, Steve.

[The look is mostly convincing - hell, it would probably convince most people. The real problem is, Steve's not most people. And even when he can't put his finger on exactly what's wrong, he still knows there's something wrong.

And it's still bothering him.

That, and the way Bucky is so nonchalant about all of this. Yeah, sure, it could be bravado. He's got plenty of that. But... Steve doesn't think so.

His mouth twists a little, like he's not sure whether to laugh or grimace.]

Not exactly what I want to hear, [He says, in this tone that says, But you already know that... don't you?.] I don't like sitting around when there are people in the wrong place.

[Well, he doesn't like sitting around, period.

And he's not exactly trying to call a bluff, here - or is he? - when he adds,] I'm almost surprised you want to keep the boot camp going.

Have you ever liked sitting around anywhere? [That sounds like the old Bucky, but his eyes are a little dead when he flashes a grin at Steve and pushes the door to the CES open.

Steve's next question catches him a little off guard. Was this a giant misstep? Why wouldn't the other Bucky want to keep doing with it? What would have made him want to stop?

He doesn't know. And he can't think of anything he's seen or heard that would make him have anything close to an idea, so the surprise doesn't have to be faked.]

Why wouldn't I? [The other him had wanted people prepared for something like this, or like the arena, and then he'd been out of commission for weeks. Wouldn't he want to start right back up again?]

Isn't this the kinda thing we should be prepping them for?

[For a second, it does sound just like Bucky, and Steve's got to give him a wry grin - although he sees the look in Bucky's eyes, and no, it's still not right.] That would be a no.

[He follows Bucky out the door and toward the staircase to head down; he can't help but watch his back closely, the line of his shoulders, the way he walks. Now that Steve is second-guessing everything Bucky does... there's just so much that's off by just a fraction, and it's really, really unsettling.]

I don't know. I mean - yeah. It is. [So it's a good idea to keep it going, sure. But even at the same time,] I don't know. We still don't know everyone that's been... shuffled, for lack of a better term. And I've heard a lot about killing, the last time around.

[So he is a little concerned about putting weapons in people's hands, when they might not actually be planning to keep the safeties on.]

[Bucky barks out a laugh, aware that he's being watched, and trying to fight past the instinct to just... lash out. Or laugh even more, because this is kind of fucking hilarious, some universe where they're friends.

They've never had anyone who cares about them, including each other.]

If you can't tell the difference between Scott and Scott, I can't help you, pal. [Not that he knows what the other Scott is supposed to be like, but he can make an educated guess, and he knows he was one of the kids the other guy was working with.

He claps a hand to Steve's shoulder briefly, trying not to make it an actual forceful slap.]

We'll be fine. Believe me, this could be a whole lot worse.

[And then he scampers down the stairs, glancing back at him with a look that's either playful or challenging. Maybe both, with a little bit of a skew towards the wrong one.]

[The laugh - it's not quite as convincing as it should be. Honestly, neither is what Bucky says. And on top of it all is the way Bucky almost, almost doesn't clap him on the shoulder without it being a lot harder than it needs to be, because there's just... something about the gesture that doesn't feel right.

And the sinking feeling only gets worse.

When Bucky looks back at him, Steve's got this funny look on his face - somewhere between a dry smile and a grimace.] I know. I can always be a whole lot worse.

[Which is maybe what he's trying to tell himself, but he's not really all that convinced. It can always be worse, but... things might be pretty bad.

Bucky takes off down the stays without him, and Steve just picks up the pace to catch up - mostly. He still stays a step or two behind Bucky, instead of brushing past him like he might have, normally. He's starting to feel like his whole world's turned upside down, and yet it's also feeling a little too uncomfortably like the reality he has to face back home, and all of that gives him enough bitter food for thought that he doesn't say anything else the rest of the way to the dining hall, just works on following Bucky, picking up a tray, and getting plenty of food - including pancakes, which is actually, honestly just reflex whenever he eats breakfast with Bucky, no matter the time of day.]

[Bucky basically ignores Steve once they hit the dining hall and helps himself to plenty of eggs and bacon and toast, even though he's not sure he feels as hungry as he usually does anymore. Being an inmate has dampened the effects of the serum, and while not eating everything in sight and still feeling hungry isn't a bad thing, not being able to heal as quickly or fight as intensely might be a problem.

But he's made do with worse. Things really could always be worse.

He does glance back when he's ready to take a table, trying to look normal and calm, expectant even, because Steve's following, right? Before heading to a table and sitting down, digging into his breakfast with mechanical enthusiasm once he's settled, with or without Steve.]

[Part of Steve says it's fine that Bucky's ignoring him, he's hungry, that's not new.

But it's not fine. Bucky's that guy that always mentally triple-checked what was on Steve's plate, made sure it was he deemed enough, when they were kids. (And when he didn't think it was enough, guess where the extra came from.) Steve's kind of noticed that Bucky still side-eyes his plate, from time to time, like maybe he's doing that mental tally, still in the habit of making sure Steve's got enough, even if he not always as obvious about it as he used to be. (Although hell, sometimes he'll still toss something onto Steve's plate, just to be annoying.)

It's not like Steve needs those things - especially not here, where they can have as much as they want, and it's all free. But it's still nothing short of off-putting, to be ignored like that, even though Bucky does at least turn around, check where Steve is, before he heads for a table and starts digging in.

Steve's halfway through piling his own plate with food, not to mention two plates of pancakes - just like it's reflex to sit down across the table from Bucky and push one of the plates with the pancakes over without a word, starting in on his own food and trying not to look at Bucky, paying an awful lot of attention to his plate while he tries to figure out...

What to say. And how to say it.

How do you accuse your best friend of not actually being your best friend?]

[Normally, Bucky would have his own plate of pancakes, and happily accept a second. The food here is better than pretty much anything he's ever had access to, there's more of it, and he can eat as much as he wants without someone yelling at him, all of which are luxuries he's pretty sure won't ever really wear off.

Steve knows all of that, of course.

But as is, he just kind of... stares at it, not sure what the next step is. Why is Rogers giving him food? When they were kids, sometimes Bucky would bully him into sharing a candy bar, or just letting Bucky have the whole damn thing, but that's not really how it works anymore. Kap doesn't share, and he doesn't really look out for him more than he has to to make sure he's still alive, and offering him food just... doesn't fit, here. He doesn't know what to do with it.

Besides, pancakes? Really?

So instead of immediately devouring them, he just goes back to mechanically eating his bacon and eggs, sometimes stopping for a mouthful of coffee or a piece of toast. He doesn't say anything, and he pays more attention to his food than Steve, wondering what the next move is.

Rogers knows. He's not an idiot. There was no way he was going to be able to keep this up forever. So what now?]

[That blank look is just the nail in the coffin. Steve thought he was operating on reflex, grabbing the plate for Bucky, but suddenly he wonders... did he mean to do this? Was it meant to be some kind of test?

It doesn't matter - it ends up being a test, and Bucky fails. Badly.

He lets it lie for a minute, but he knows he can't walk out of here pretending any longer - not pretending to himself, and not pretending with this Bucky. He glances up, then back at his food, because he's not sure he can say this to a face that looks like Bucky's - is Bucky's.] I should probably congratulate you on getting me to believe you for this long.

But you're not him. And we both know it.

[Bucky doesn't look surprised when Steve says it, but it still takes him a moment to react. When he does, it's with a small huff of laughter, and a smirk that isn't exactly kind, or easy going.]

You're as subtle as ever.

[He pushes back the plate and stares at Steve, really stares at him, even if the other man won't look at him. He doesn't have to ask why.]

I'd apologize, but I think we both know I wouldn't really mean it.

I'll take that as a compliment.

[It hurts, talking to Bucky in that dry, sarcastic tone - as much as it hurts to hear Bucky's tone, the way he's practically sneering with his voice. He's never sounded like that, not once, and it's worse, he thinks than that lost, emotionless voice, the one that had asked, Who the hell is Bucky?

But Steve matches him stare for stare, nonetheless.] Then don't bother. Look. I don't know much about you. And I'm thinking you don't really know much about me. This me. [If there's even another him, on that Barge, although it's clear he must be in Bucky's life, somehow.] So let me tell you that if you try to do something stupid while you're here, you're going to run into me.

[Choose your own definition of stupid. HYDRA's probably got a million.]

I know plenty, pal. [They've left enough of a trail on this network for him to follow, and he knows this guy is enough like Steve Before to know he's a stubborn shit who doesn't like being bossed around, or played.

Except this one already seems like he's got more of a spine than the Steve Rogers he knew ever did, before Erskine. Before HYDRA.

Bucky doesn't seem especially bothered by the threat, and the smirk just gets a little more wry, almost like he thinks it's cute Steve even bothers trying, as if that's going to scare him.]

And I'm not interested in causing trouble. This isn't my ship, and I'm gonna wind up back on mine soon enough. Starting shit isn't gonna change anything.

[Steve doesn't look overly convinced, but... he can't argue with that, either. He doesn't know what his "other self" is like, but it can't be very similar or Bucky wouldn't have ended up like this.

He thinks.

He did, after all, let his Bucky...

He shakes his head a little, trying to clear that thought out. It's not what he needs to focus on right now. And he knows that threatening this Bucky is stupid, so that's all he going to say on the subject.] I hope that's true.

But not everyone that came here with you seems to think that.

[There's a pause; it's hard to look at Bucky's face and see what he sees going on behind those eyes. It's hard to even think about not trusting him. Because, no matter what happened to him, what HYDRA told him, did to him... he's still Bucky.

And Steve can't help but ask,] What's it like, over there? On your Barge.

[Bucky shrugs, nonchalant, apparently not especially bothered by Steve questioning him, or looking at him weird. He's not. He's curious, sure, because this guy is a lot different from the Steve he knows, but he's not bothered by it.

It's actually kind of nice to know he can get an emotional reaction out of this Steve, that he's the one holding all the cards again.]

Bad. [Even he can admit that. It's hard to live there for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons, and he knows by this Barge's standards, it's a nightmare.] Most of the other wardens are nutjobs, the inmates are scared.

[That's just how it is.]

Why were the pancakes the giveaway?

[It feels like cheating, asking this Bucky everything he wanted to know about the Mirror Barge but his Bucky didn't want to talk about. But, cheating or not, at least it's giving Steve the answers he needs.

And this Bucky doesn't seem bothered by it.

But what he's saying is in line with what Mindy said, before. What Jack and Iris said, too.] It sounds... counterproductive. [Well. Assuming they're out to accomplish the same things this Barge is. Which, maybe they're not.]

Other than the fact that I've never seen you - him - turn them down?

[Well, that was pretty much the giveaway.]

It was a lot more than the pancakes. We're... not friends, over there. If I'm there. Are we.

[More of a statement than a question.]

It's fine when you're supposed to be breaking people down until they're willing to do anything to get out of there, [He answers smoothly, still apparently not bothered about it. He wouldn't be a warden there if he was.

The fact about the pancakes gets noted and tucked away for later, in case it becomes relevant. It probably won't be, because it's not like he needs to pretend like he's this Barge's Bucky anymore. Steve's going to rat him out.

But the next question gets a short, quiet, not exactly bitter but definitely not happy laugh out of him. It sounds more surprised than anything else.]

You're there. Showed up a couple months ago. And we've never been friends, Cap.

Yeah, I guess so. [His mouth twists a little, though. He doesn't like that concept.] It just doesn't seem... like the way I'd like to do things. [He signed on, here, for a reason. That other Barge... it sounds like the bullies he pretty much hates.]

No? [It's hard to say even that single word so nonchalantly. It's almost like hearing that other Bucky, the one who was still just a kid, say that they'd never met until they were older. It's... just hard to imagine, because Bucky has been such a big part of Steve's life - he's been Steve's family - for nearly all of it.]

I'm sorry.

[Part of him wants to ask, what he's like, over there. But part of him doesn't want to know.]

[Bucky answers it for him, or at least part of it, stabbing another piece of scrambled egg with his fork while he does.]

The you I know doesn't seem to mind. All he cares about is "the mission." [Which is said a little mockingly, even if Kap acting like that doesn't especially bother him. They're there to do a job, and he doesn't much care what it is so long as he gets what he wants.

He finishes chewing, swallows, and stares at Steve, maybe with a little bit of that now familiar challenge in his expression, like he's daring Steve to do something stupid and dangerous, knowing it's going to get him in trouble.]

Why are you sorry?

[Those words are hard to hear, honestly, for a hundred different reasons. Steve reacts more than he means to, honestly, blinking for a second like Bucky's slapped him physically, instead of just using a phrase that pretty much gets to the core of why Steve's here in the first place.

It hurts to think that HYDRA did that to Bucky. And... it's kind of terrifying to think that they could have done it to him. Which is what prompts him to ask, quietly,] Do I work for them, too? HYDRA?

[He's pretty sure he already knows the answer.

And besides, he doesn't know about your Steve, but this one? Has never backed down from something stupid and dangerous. And he's not about to answer anything but honestly:] Because we were pretty much all we had, growing up. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, if it would have made a difference.

[He's sorry he wasn't there for you - him - in so many ways.]

[Steve's reaction gets Bucky's attention focused on him like a laser. He doesn't understand the reaction - and the other Bucky wouldn't either, obviously - but he wants to know more, instinctively wants to hook his claws in and pull that wound open.

Is it just because it's HYDRA? Or is there something else.]

Yeah, you do. ["He does" is more accurate, but "you do" will probably hurt more.

And he still wants to know more about why Steve had been so upset to hear that, but the next part will probably hurt, too. He smiles, and it looks a little cruel, and definitely disbelieving.]

I guess it wouldn't've, because we grew up together, too. [Until Bucky had enlisted and effectively left everything from New York behind him, including Steve.] What do you mean, you were there for me?

[It does hurt more - a lot more - because to Steve, they're still the same people. Just different circumstances. So it's hard to think of terms of "me" and "you" and "him."

Even if things are, obviously, more different than he knows, because if they grew up together...]

I - [Steve's got to let out this sound, like a half-laugh, but it's... funny. Sometimes he doesn't feel like he was there much for Bucky at all. Oh, sure - Bucky could count on him for anything. When he wasn't sick. Or getting himself into trouble.

Or sick with something else.]

I always tried to have his back. I still try. [Even though he feels like he's been pretty shitty at it, for maybe longer than he ever realized. And, maybe unfortunately for him, he's always been sort of an open book when it really comes to emotions. He's not great at hiding them, so he probably looks as guilty as he feels, about that.]

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