[Steve's not an expert. But he knows Bucky. And he knows that when that lightning hit… Bucky wasn't just surprised. He wasn't just caught up in an Army mentality because he was leading Basic. It was something else.
And that really, truly scares him. Because he doesn't want to feel like he's losing Bucky here, too - he's lost him, back home, and scrambling to get him back. There is no deeper hurt than that, and the idea that something similar, or at least similarly terrible, could be happening here is nothing short of terrifying.
But he also knows he could be overthinking it.
Either way, he knows more about "shellshock" - and what it really is - than he used to, and no, he doesn't know how to fix it, but he does know that it's fixable. That's a little glimmer of hope, if nothing else, but the problem is, he doesn't want to go behind Bucky's back and ask someone to help him, either. That feels sneaky. He doesn't want to sneak around - and he really doesn't want to sneak around his best friend. He's already doing enough of that, by keeping his mouth shut about things Bucky doesn't - can't - know. Not until they really need to make a decision about their deals.
It's probably a good thing that Bucky ends up in the shower for a while - Steve ends up staring into space for a while, until the sound (or lack thereof) of the water shutting off breaks him out of it. So by the time Bucky's coming out of the bathroom, Steve's got the iPod hooked into the stereo and turned on low - it's not music Bucky will recognize, it's a mix of 60s and 70s that he's trying to work through - and is working on the tail end of a sandwich.
(Of course, if Bucky remembers how many sandwiches there were when he went in, he'll immediately know that Steve's still working on the same one.)
At least Bucky looks a little better - and he grabs his sandwich with a little more enthusiasm, this time. He even attempts to be "polite," which makes Steve laugh as he pushes himself out of the desk chair. He does want to get out of the wet uniform, and his hair's drying into a bit of a mess.]
Gee, thanks. [He just waves his hand a little.] I can always get more. They're not nearly as stingy here as they could be. They don't even give me dirty looks. [Like those Army cooks used to, when he'd show up for the fifth time in the same day.
He tries to grin, and it doesn't even fall all that flat.]
I'll be right back.
[He wants to spend forever in the shower, but he won't. Just long enough to rinse off. He snags something that's pretty similar to what Bucky's wearing - he's not actually planning on going anywhere, for a while. If Bucky sleeps, Steve might try to catch a nap, too. Otherwise, they'll find something to do. He'd say they should plan tomorrow's Basic schedule, but he's not sure that's a great idea. Maybe Bucky should take a mental break from that.
[spam]
And that really, truly scares him. Because he doesn't want to feel like he's losing Bucky here, too - he's lost him, back home, and scrambling to get him back. There is no deeper hurt than that, and the idea that something similar, or at least similarly terrible, could be happening here is nothing short of terrifying.
But he also knows he could be overthinking it.
Either way, he knows more about "shellshock" - and what it really is - than he used to, and no, he doesn't know how to fix it, but he does know that it's fixable. That's a little glimmer of hope, if nothing else, but the problem is, he doesn't want to go behind Bucky's back and ask someone to help him, either. That feels sneaky. He doesn't want to sneak around - and he really doesn't want to sneak around his best friend. He's already doing enough of that, by keeping his mouth shut about things Bucky doesn't - can't - know. Not until they really need to make a decision about their deals.
It's probably a good thing that Bucky ends up in the shower for a while - Steve ends up staring into space for a while, until the sound (or lack thereof) of the water shutting off breaks him out of it. So by the time Bucky's coming out of the bathroom, Steve's got the iPod hooked into the stereo and turned on low - it's not music Bucky will recognize, it's a mix of 60s and 70s that he's trying to work through - and is working on the tail end of a sandwich.
(Of course, if Bucky remembers how many sandwiches there were when he went in, he'll immediately know that Steve's still working on the same one.)
At least Bucky looks a little better - and he grabs his sandwich with a little more enthusiasm, this time. He even attempts to be "polite," which makes Steve laugh as he pushes himself out of the desk chair. He does want to get out of the wet uniform, and his hair's drying into a bit of a mess.]
Gee, thanks. [He just waves his hand a little.] I can always get more. They're not nearly as stingy here as they could be. They don't even give me dirty looks. [Like those Army cooks used to, when he'd show up for the fifth time in the same day.
He tries to grin, and it doesn't even fall all that flat.]
I'll be right back.
[He wants to spend forever in the shower, but he won't. Just long enough to rinse off. He snags something that's pretty similar to what Bucky's wearing - he's not actually planning on going anywhere, for a while. If Bucky sleeps, Steve might try to catch a nap, too. Otherwise, they'll find something to do. He'd say they should plan tomorrow's Basic schedule, but he's not sure that's a great idea. Maybe Bucky should take a mental break from that.
Either way, he'll be out in about ten minutes.]