[Bucky feels too shitty to do much other than just stay horizontal and try to sleep as much as he can, so at least he's not as bad a patient as he could be. Sure, he's kind of grouchy and sullen when he's awake, but he tries to eat and participate in conversation or whatever distraction Steve comes up with, because he does appreciate what he's doing. More than he can say, really, for a lot of reasons, because he knows not to push too hard and just lets him handle this at his own pace. Steve knows what it's like to be laid up in bed wishing you weren't constantly in pain, and so while it's maybe still grating to be getting looked after by someone he's used to looking after (because this is a lot more extreme than when he's been hurt before in terms of visible physical injury), he doesn't feel like he's being mothered or patronized. Honestly, Steve's probably doing a better job of it than Bucky had done back then.
The only problem really is that he feels shittier than he's letting on. Like, a lot shittier, because it seems like it takes all of twenty minutes for the painkillers to wear off, and he doesn't want to ask for more because it'll look suspicious and probably not work. Breathing hurt, and moving hurts, and sometimes it's almost like he's wrapped up in some weird full body itch, or pins and needles, and he sort of just wants to scream.
Something's wrong with him. He's known something's wrong with him for a long time, but it's so much easier to ignore when he's distracted and feeling healthy and something like normal. And he can't talk to anyone about it because he doesn't want to think about it any more than he had when Steve had first pulled him out of Zola's lab, because he feels like enough of a ticking time bomb without anyone else looking at him that way.
Steve wouldn't. He'd say they could figure it out, that it would be okay, but he's already died on him. Bucky doesn't need him to feel any worse or more worried about him than he already is.
So it's probably not shocking that once he's not too exhausted to dream that certain memories start rearing their heads again. He dreams about them enough as is. Zola had done things to him that made it hard to breathe sometimes, and the restraints had cut into his ribs when he thrashed against them, and that's what he's dreaming about now, being back on that table and struggling to get away, to just pass out or die and end this.]
No. No. [He's mumbling in his sleep, but in the dream he's screaming, and Zola's reaching for his face, trying to show him what he's been turned into. That's when he starts yelling, and thrashing, which just sort of makes things worse.] Stop!
Spam dw be nice to ali x(
The only problem really is that he feels shittier than he's letting on. Like, a lot shittier, because it seems like it takes all of twenty minutes for the painkillers to wear off, and he doesn't want to ask for more because it'll look suspicious and probably not work. Breathing hurt, and moving hurts, and sometimes it's almost like he's wrapped up in some weird full body itch, or pins and needles, and he sort of just wants to scream.
Something's wrong with him. He's known something's wrong with him for a long time, but it's so much easier to ignore when he's distracted and feeling healthy and something like normal. And he can't talk to anyone about it because he doesn't want to think about it any more than he had when Steve had first pulled him out of Zola's lab, because he feels like enough of a ticking time bomb without anyone else looking at him that way.
Steve wouldn't. He'd say they could figure it out, that it would be okay, but he's already died on him. Bucky doesn't need him to feel any worse or more worried about him than he already is.
So it's probably not shocking that once he's not too exhausted to dream that certain memories start rearing their heads again. He dreams about them enough as is. Zola had done things to him that made it hard to breathe sometimes, and the restraints had cut into his ribs when he thrashed against them, and that's what he's dreaming about now, being back on that table and struggling to get away, to just pass out or die and end this.]
No. No. [He's mumbling in his sleep, but in the dream he's screaming, and Zola's reaching for his face, trying to show him what he's been turned into. That's when he starts yelling, and thrashing, which just sort of makes things worse.] Stop!